Survival of the Fittest! Part 3

"What?" Maggie almost choked on a walnut.
"Are you a Virgin?" Spencer repeated, smiling deviously as he leaned back in his chair with both hands around his glass of wine. They were seated in a semi-private room that was a converted elevator shaft in Characters Fine Dining Restaurant. It was recommended by the bellhop at the hotel, Mags was staying in.
"He really is quite a character," she thought to herself, as the heat in her cheeks slowly subsided. "What is he up to?" she took a leisurely sip of her red wine, a glass of 2007 Shiraz ‘Footbolt’ – d’Arenberg. At $9 dollars a glass, she was taking her time enjoying the aromas and flavours of the plums, blackcurrants, cherries and raspberries of this fine Australian wine.
"Why this question Spence?"she set down her wine and relaxed her shoulders.
"You asked me to changed the subject." he stated innocently, "besides," he continued, "If we can't talk about religion... there's only Politics and Sex left to talk about. And..." He leaned forward and set his glass down and picked up his fork and knife, "You don't like politics. That leaves sex." he shoveled in a fork full of  bacon wrapped beef tenderloin and ate.
 "There are other topics you know." she twirled some more of her Spicy Lobster Spaghetti around her fork and took a bite.
"What other topics?"
"Well.... Motorcycles?" she smiled. That should catch him off guard. Anything, to get his mind off her sex life. She wasn't ready to share her past with him just yet. It was a dark memory for her. She need some preparation time in prayer before she opened up.
"Motorcycles?" his eyes bore into her, as if he could see into the depths of her being. For a moment, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. 
"You know motorcycles?" he continued to gaze.
"Yes I do."
"You are changing the subject."
"I used to own a motorcycle."
"Really?" he said in sarcastic disbelief and took another bite of his medium-rare piece of meat.
"Yes I did, and if you don't believe me. I can send a picture when I get home." she huffed.
"Well, I guess we're talking about motorcycles then..."


E-mail from Spencer to Maggie,


Hey Mags,


Really enjoyed, spending time again with you. 
I didn't forget.... You were supposed to send a picture of your bike. Until I see it with my own eyes I will not believe.  That's just who I am.


Here's a little quote for you:


If a faithful account was rendered of man's idea's upon divinity, he would be obliged to acknowledge, that for the most part the word 'gods' has been used to express the concealed, remote, unknown causes of the effects he witnessed; that he applies this term when the spring of the natural, the source of known causes, ceases to be visible: as soon as he loses the thread of these causes, or as soon as his mind can no longer follow the chain, he solves the difficulty, terminates his research, by ascribing it to his gods.....

 When, therefore , he ascribes to his gods the production of some phenomenon.... does he, in fact, do anything more than substitute for the darkness of his own mind, a sound to which he has been accustomed to listen with reverential awe?

- Paul Heinrich Dietrich, Baron von Holbach

Mags... only science is rational; only science achieves truth. Everything else is mere belief and opinion.
I will believe God when I see God.

Enjoy your day.
Spence

Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association


Email from Maggie to Spencer:


Good Morning Spence,


Here is a little quote for you by Stephen C. Meyer PHD in Physics, Geology, History and Philosophy of science:


 "To say that science is the only begetter of truth is self-contradicting, because that statement in itself cannot be tested by the scientific method. It's a self-defeating philosophical assumption....I certainly respect science, I don't believe scientific knowledge necessarily takes precedence over other things that we know. For instance, philosopher J.P Moreland has argued that there are some things we know more certainly through introspection than we know from the sciences. I know I have free will on the basis of my introspection, and no studies in the social sciences will convince me otherwise....In addition, history can tell us much, even though we can't test it by repeated experiment."


If you would like to read more... see chapter 4 of The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel


as for my bike.... Here's a picture:

I had a great time too.... It's been really nice... connecting again as friends. I've realized, I've really missed you these past 20 years.

Take care Spence

Another quote:

"God's grace is the most unreasonable thing in the world. It's also the most powerful. Nothing is more effective for transforming lives, risky though it is."

Dwight Edwards  from "Experiencing God"

PS: Would you be interested in going to Haiti in May?

Winning Your Husband to Christ

Here's an article that I would like to share with those living with a non believer. With Christ, there is always hope.

Many blessings to you!
Anuschka


Winning Your Husband to Christ

Survival of the Fittest! Part 2

Chapter 2

Email to Maggie:

Dear Mags,

 Let me know when you'll be landing in Edmonton and the flight number.... I'll try to get a few days off.
It was great seeing you again.

Spence

Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association

 Maggie's eyes reminded Spence of Lake Louise, the turquoise  blue shone brightly as he approached her just outside the domestic arrivals area in YEG.
" Hey!" He said and reached around her with a big bear hug and leaned down to kiss her cheek while placing the flowers he was holding into her hands.
"I think you're over dressed?" She was wearing a down filled polar arctic parka that went down to her knee's, and a fleece red and white Vancouver Olympic tuque.
"What? There's no 2 meters of snow?" she smiled at him. "I know... I know... I saw the daffodils as we landed."
" It has been seasonally warm for March."He laughed and grabbed her bag. It was good to see Mags again. He missed her these last couple of weeks. Although her naiveté irritated him, and he felt a great desire to show her the truth of life, it was that pure sweetness that he was drawn to and that inner beauty of hers he felt compelled to protect.
"You may think your male primal survival instincts are going to protect Mags from the evil of this world, but she's going to save you from yourself." Where did that thought come from? He shook his head and guided Mags to his car.
 It was through his Mom and Facebook that he had found her again. After 20 years, he was curious to see what kind of woman she grew up to be. He had tickets to see a hockey event at the Olympics last month and had called her to meet for dinner.  They met three more times after that, before he had to go back to his job in Calgary.
She had come into his life again at the perfect time. The divorce, brought him to the lowest place mentally and physically, that he's ever been in, and spending time with Mags last month was like a breath of fresh air, a glimpse of the sun shinning through the dark clouds hanging over his head.
"Thanks for driving me to the hotel." she sniffed the freesia's. "How did you know these were my favourite?"
"You had 2 vases full in the living room. I took a gamble"
"Thank-you." Her eyes were closed as he saw her draw in the sweet aroma that filled the car. A great peace filled his inner being as he drove her to the Fantasy Land Hotel in the West Edmonton Mall.
"It was my pleasure."He needed her in his life, of that much he was sure.

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. If you do good, they accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. And your kindness will be forgotten tomorrow." Spence took a deep breath and continued, "That's why I give of myself and my goods to my nearest and dearest. Why should I waste my time and energy for people who aren't going to give a shit?" He was irritated. "Why bother? So you can get to heaven?" he snapped at Mags. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't hold onto all the emotion and the crap of the past  decade anymore. He shouldn't be yelling at Maggie, he knew this, but all self control was lost in his agitation at life.
"A compassionate life is a more fulfilling life Spence." she sighed deeply, "it's only when you let go of your ego that the curtain rises on real life." He could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn't look just yet, he knew he would melt and he didn't want to give up his argument just yet. For some reason, in the past 2 days he's felt the need to pick theological fights with Mags. She has seemed to won them all.
"Well not this time." he thought.
"Spence... It's not just a moral duty to me... it's a prescription for authentic joy."
"And yet... here we are... living on a planet where millions are starving each day, while we... in North America obsess over our calories.... cheers!" and he took an enthusiastic sip of his Mocha Latte. "Compassion is a non-existent, fake facade people use to help them think this life is better than it is. It's powdered suger on a devil's food cake!" he put down his latte with vigor and crossed his arms, the same way he did 20 years ago as a boy, trying to make a point. He looked over at Mags with determination, he was ready to handle anything she was going to dish out. He was as strong as a fortress.
"I am the wall of china." he said to himself. He was not prepared to see Mags laughing at him. She wasn't smiling... She was convulsed in merriment. Out loud too and his wall began to crumble.
"You've got whip cream on your nose." she handed him a serviette. Then the laughter died down and she looked at him with such love that his heart began to melt.
"That I-me-mine selfish attitude ruins everything Spence. Compassion isn't just a nice fairy tale. It's real. I hope you see it one day."
"Well, you'll have to buy me the same magic glasses you're wearing... the ones with the special lenses that only see the good in people!" Could there be something to it? Could compassion be real?
"You're such a pessimist!"she reached over and wiped his cheek with a clean napkin. Apparently, there was whip cream there as well.
"You finished your coffee and arguing yet?," He nodded and she tugged at his coat."You promised to take me ice-skating in the mall.... Let's go."

"This is so cool!" Mags laughed. "I'm skating in a mall."
"WHooooooh!" She almost fell when a boy, not much taller then the height of Spence's thigh, swung past them racing after his friend. Spencer's Manly protective instincts took control and he grabbed her arm to prevent a fall.
"Thanks!" she said.
"No problem... It's because I'm a nice guy." he smiled.
"It's a good thing all thorns have roses."
"Are you calling me a thorn?"
"Yup!" she laughed and pushed forward ahead of him in mock fear of his retaliation. He took a moment to study her figure as she sped ahead of him, her long strawberry blonde hair floating off her back in the sudden back draft she created by speeding forward. He glided slowly behind her and admired her figure for a second longer before catching up to her.
"I'm sure I've got a few thorns myself." she laughed at him.
"None that I see." He wasn't looking forward to saying good-bye to her tomorrow. "This weekend went by way too quickly." he thought just as one of the two boys plowed in behind him backwards. In an instant Spencer found himself kneeling on the ice in front of Maggie.
"Not all thorns have roses." He quipped looking at the two boys who were on the other side of the rink already.
"They didn't even say sorry."Maggie leaned forward taking his arm to help him up.
"I say it again... not all thorns have roses." he straightened his sweater, "Like those salmon berries I fell into at Stanley Park." He recalled roller blading with her just last month along the shore line. The fall was his fault, he was going to fast trying to show off; he took air from a crack in the pavement, and he landed in a Salmon berry bush. He winced at the memory of crawling out of the prickly grasp of the brambles.
 "You seem to fall a lot," she smiled, "Are you a klutz?"
"Spiritually or physically?" he asked, play acting a klutz and wobbled around her.

"Salmon berries have fruit!" she lifted her fork into the air with emphasis, just as the cherry tomato on the end of it flew across the table onto Spencer's plate, landing in his mashed potatoes.
"What are you talking about?" It was their last meal together. She was on a 10 am flight back to Vancouver in the morning and he didn't want her to leave. His life was meaningless without her.
"Salmon berries?" she tried again, "they don't just have thorns. They have fruit as well. You don't see it all year round. The fruit comes out in June."
"Okay... what's your metaphor?" He knew her well enough, by now, to know she couldn't leave a good analogy well enough alone. It was her turn to preach to him.
"You don't see peoples goodness all day, all year round, 24 hours 7 days a week." she beamed,"But every once in a while it comes out."
"Like Christmas?"he sighed sarcastically, "You are too optimistic."
"Yes I am.... and to take it a step further.... may I say that those who have a relationship with Jesus Christ ... that the berries or fruit come out more often. He brings out the best in people."
"Or the worst."He thought about his so called friends at church who ditched him after the divorce. These people thought it was his fault, that his relationship with Sue was over. They judge him and didn't bother to find the truth.
"Those people do not have a relationship with Christ. They follow a legalistic religion and because of it make a lot of grandiose statements and movements in Gods name.... when it has nothing to do with God... just their own beliefs and politics."He knew what she said was right, and yet he couldn't rid himself of his own idea's and judgements.
"I'm a good person... why isn't that good enough?" he sighed. "I respect my parents, I love my family, I treasure my friends even when they let me down. Logic wouldn't fault me for saving the best I have to give for my nearest and dearest and giving the rest of humanity the leftovers. Why do I need a relationship with a fictitious character who lives in a very old fairy tale."
"Why does it have to be the leftovers?" Maggie asked."Why can't it be equal portions to everyone?"
"That's impossible, even if you were a Saint."
"You are absolutely right and yet Jesus Christ did just that." she took a deep breath and continued,"No one is perfect... but we can try to be... the more we try... if our heart is in it.... the better we get at it.... and then we want to share that knowledge.... and that's what it means to be a follower of Christ. We are not perfect but we are trying to be the best human beings we can be, because Christ lives within us."
" It's all an illusion Mags. Compassion is in short supply... even among Christians who 'so called' have Christ living within them."
"Can we change the subject please? You are not getting it, because your heart is as hard as stone, and this conversation is giving me indigestion." Mags frustration rang out in her voice. He was regretful for putting her through this. He just couldn't help being so cynical. His self control was nowhere to be found.
"This is my last night here and I don't want to fight."Her blue eyes pleaded. Mags, was wrong, his heart wasn't all stone... it was a marsh mellow when it came to her.
"Okay.... So?....." he took a serious look at her and realized she was the most beautiful woman he has ever known, even when angered. After a long dramatic pause, he leaned forward in his chair, picked up his glass of red house wine and smiled slyly. It was a question he longed to ask her since the first day they met.
"So... are you a virgin?"

Survival of the Fittest!

Hello All,

This story came to me after a conversation I had with someone special. I love to be challenged and to think out of the box. If you like it... let me know and I might write a Chapter 2.

Enjoy!
Anuschka

Survival of the Fittest!


Chapter One


"Only the strongest will survive." His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as if to make a point. "Survival of the fittest!" He grinned. He was trying to get her goat. 
"He's trying to make me upset like he used to... Well, I'm not a little girl anymore." she made up her mind not to fight tonight.  
 She hadn't seen Spencer in 20 years. She had really been looking forward to this date... sort of date... perhaps more like a dinner and coffee to catch up on 20 years but now, she just wanted to go home. 
"What about compassion? What about us as human beings helping one and other to grow strong together?" she asked. She knew this was a one sided conversation. If he was anything like she remembered, Spencer was playing the devil's advocate. 
 She had been in love with Spencer 20 years ago, when they were in youth group together, and after seeing him again after all these years she realized she still loved him... Devil's advocate and all... She just wasn't in the mood to debate the meaning of life tonight.
"The compassionate are weak and will soon die out of society. The tough will survive." She could feel the hairs in the back of her neck start to prick up. 
"Grace!.... Maggie. Don't get yourself all riled up." she spoke to the little voice within. "Boy, is he good." she patted her skirt flat to delay her answer and collect herself.
"And yet, not even 2 hours ago... right after you picked me up... you stopped along the side of the road to help that lady change her flat tire?" she reminded him, "Your actions do not run parallel with the words coming out of your mouth!" Bugger, she was getting upset again... "deep breath Maggie."
"Being friendly and helpful, just makes life better and my clan or my family grows stronger." then he beat his fist against his chest, "UGGGG... me strong pack leader!" He laughed. Maggie shook her head.  
"It's not out of love or compassion that people... that I do this.... It's for the betterment of my clan... Homo sapiens have been doing this for millions of years. There is a time for war and a time for peace... it has nothing to do with God... it's for the survival of our species."
 "What the heck has happened to you?" She thought, as the wiper blades squeaked back and forth, the screech as irritating as mosquito's buzzing in her ear.
"Twenty years ago you were singing Hallelujah and Praising God... What changed Spence?" with a deep sigh she looked at him and watched the lights, of the on coming traffic, reflect off his romanesque face and his dark wavy hair. Gosh, he had grown into a very handsome man. How could she say good-bye to him again? 
There was an awkward silence, as he thought about her words, and searched his past for answers. She turned away and stared out the passenger window into the darkness.
"I'm attracted to his physical looks.... but....I can't live on looks alone... what happened to his inside beauty?" She thought, as the darkness past by. He was going to go to college and become a youth pastor and counsellor. Help kids who lived in abusive homes. He was going to change the world. Now, he wants to convert her to atheism. 
 During dinner, Maggie found out he did go to college and become a  youth counsellor. He worked in foster care, counseling kids from abusive homes. He'd seen so much. So many kids with out love.
 " You know what's happened to me Mags?" He remembered her nick name. Spence and Mags had known one and other since kindergarten. They lived in the same cul de sac, their mom's were best friends and they attended the same church sunday school. 
 His dog was named Maggie and one day he called her, as if she were his dog, she refused.
" I will only answer to princess of the world." she said in her 7 year old hoity-toity voice as she stood on top of his older brother's new tires for a 1982 Mustang.
" Oh mighty and honorable miss stinkcess. Will you cometh hither." He replied and bowed, then jumped on top of the tires to push her off. 
"Get off my new Mags, you two." Rick called out from the garage.  Since then, the nick name 'Mags' just kind of stuck. 
He stopped for a red light and looked at her. "I grew up Mags." he shook his head. "You're still so innocent.... after all these years.... you haven't been touched by the harsh reality's of life." He sighed deeply. " Three years ago I found my wife of five years in bed with another man."
"It wasn't the 1st time she cheated on me," the light turned green and Spencer continued," She had been cheating for two years... with different men." he murmured barely a whisper, "I was too naive to notice. Living in Lotus land." She felt his pain. Couldn't  believe that someone could do this to him.  He was a great guy, and she remembered him as being an amazing friend; open, honest, confident even as a tweenie. Maggie had dreams of marrying him when she was 17, but then he and his family moved away to Calgary when she was 12. 
" I was so disgusted with women... with life... that I did something.... " she was expecting him to say that he slept around.  A normal Male emotional physical response. She studied a little counseling herself  at Trinity University in Langley B.C, 12 years ago, but then decided to follow her heart and she became a writer.
"I got a vasectomy." she thought he was joking, then his eyes clouded over and she knew he was telling the truth. " I don't want innocent children to be brought up in this horrible world. I've worked with too many unwanted kids."
"As much as this world is a terrible place there is still good in it." she gently touched his hand. "Like you... for helping those kids.... You can't lose hope Spence." He looked intensely at her as if wanting to share more but didn't dare, wanting to trust her but couldn't.
"It's in the past," he shook his head as if to shake the painful memory away. "Anyway, why can't I be a good person for the sake of just wanting to do good? I don't need to rely on an illusion of an entity who lives up in heaven and is supposedly 'taking care' of me and loves me. It's crap."
"No it's not." she replied, the compassion she felt a moment ago, turned to irritation once more. Love and hope were worth fighting for.
"It is Maggie! You are so naive! In another 100 years, religion  will totally die off and the strongest will be alive.... We evolved as a species through our strengths... the weak die off... That's life...  those looking after their own clan... procreating more offspring... that's what life is about! The more I spread my seed.... the more my genes spread forward and become stronger."
"Hmmmmph" She replied, " I guess your life is meaningless now!" He glanced at her confused, not understanding where she was going with this argument. ".... because." she continued. "You're neutered!" He finally got to her.... he got her goat.... once those words were out of her mouth she knew she had said them in anger... where was that grace she was supposed to be filled with?... if only there was a way of going back into time. 
"You're right Mags. I should just throw myself in front of that bus right now." he sighed. 
"Oh! What have I gotten myself into?" Her heart beat pounded against her chest. "Thank goodness we were almost home." she thought as tears pricked her eyes.
"Have you ever seen the movie 'The world According to Garp'?" He asked her smiling again. The tension eased.
"I can't recall." she said dabbing a stray tear nonchalantly, "It's an old movie?"
"Robin Williams played Garp."
"Oh yeah, it was that weird movie he was in."
"Yeah," he recalled, "In one of Garp's lives he was a slave in a Roman's home..... this Roman official had to kill himself... it was his duty... I can't remember why.... but Garp was walking behind him with a piece of papyrus saying, 'Please sign this 1st sir... so I can be free.' The Roman was in such distress he didn't hear Garp.... focused only on doing what he had to do. Running around his home carrying a knife and repeated saying, 'I can't do it.... I can't kill myself.' He trips on the stairs and impales himself with the knife he was carrying and lay dead at the bottom...." another red stop light. Then he looked at her and said, " I am that Roman Mags. I know my life has no more use.... and I'm too afraid to kill myself." She was stunned. She couldn't speak.
"That's a pretty sad place to be." All throughout dinner he joked and laughed as if he had no cares in the world but now? Is this what he really thinks? or is he playing 'Devil's Advocate' again?
"His argument is with God... not me." She thought as they pulled up into the driveway of her apartment block. She didn't want to say good-by to him just yet. It didn't feel right to leave on this note. 
"Do you want to come up for coffee?" she listened to that little voice deep within her. He hesitated a moment and a frown passed over his face.
"Just a coffee and a talk." she reiterated. "It doesn't feel right to say good-bye like this."
"You're right... Okay.. I'll come up." 
 They left the car in the visitor parking lot an walked up to her building 'The Lilloet' in North Vancouver. It was a warm winter evening. The Christmas lights were still up around the pond and fountain, even in February, for the Vancouver Olympics. 
"Mags?" they stopped walking and were waiting for the elevator.
"Yes?"
"Our discussion tonight?" He asked looking down at his shoes.
"Yeah?"
"Is it going to end up in one of your magazine articles?" He knew she wrote for a daily column in a local newspaper called 'Acts of Faith' and a few of her articles were in Christianity Today and the Faith Magazine.
"Yup." she looked slyly at him from the corner of her eye. He shook his head and blushed. 
"Figures." he laughed, "Can you do me a favour?"
"What?"
"Can you not use my real name?" he pleaded.
"Done." she grinned. The elevator door opened, she felt a mischievous urge take over, "If that was what I believed.... I wouldn't want my name attached to it either." and she jumped in the elevator as Spence lashed out to punch her arm. He got in and she pressed for the 8th floor. They were in stitches, laughing the way they used to twenty years ago,  as the elevator door closed.


An email to Spencer from Maggie:


02 March, 2010


Dear Spence,


I believe in hope
I believe in love
I believe in grace
I believe in compassion
I believe in God
and I also believe that these are strengths and not weaknesses, and that I am a stronger human animal with them, then I am without them. 
 We are infants in our knowledge about everything. Our scientific knowledge has barely scraped the surface of the whole knowledge of the universe. Everything is still theories, we are still learning. Who can prove there is a spiritual realm? Who can prove there is not?No one. 
Don't let the darkness of world views prevent you from being the best human being you can be. The world covers our lives with obscurity and shadows, God fills our lives with light and clarity. This is a truth that I have experienced. It would be selfish of me to keep this truth to myself. 


1 Corinthians 13:13
So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.


 I had a really great time while you were here in Vancouver. Next month, I'll be in Edmonton for a book signing and talk. Did you still want to meet?


Take Care,
Maggie
   
 If you have your own questions about the meaning of life or just want to know what happens to Spencer and Maggie, leave a comment or email me at deedsforneeds@yahoo.ca.


Alpha Course - Maple Ridge - April 13th

Are you the friend you want to have?

Bonjour Amis,


This letter came in my Spam box this morning... (I check it every once in a while.... just in case). I really liked what it had to say about friends and wanted to share it with you my friends. 
 I checked out the web site as well and it's official and not a fake one. It's for woman's life coaching. 


Enjoy the read,
Mary.... (aka Anuschka)


Are You the Friend You Want You Have? 

The Life Coaching Letter #60The Integrated Woman 

March 31, 2010 

"Life is nothing without friendship." That’s what Cicero said many years ago, and I whole-heartedly agree. I don’t know where I’d be if not for my friends over the years. Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures; and I often wonder if we pause long enough to think about this area of our lives. 

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes -- some last a lifetime and others just a season. There are social friendships -- supportive and enjoyable, but not deep. There are friends we’ve known since first grade, and others who are brand new, but make us feel like we’ve known them all of our lives. 

There are what I call "situational" friendships... people with whom we share life circumstances -- like moms in a play group, or colleagues, or classmates. And there are precious "kindred spirits" -- those who, no matter how much time or water under the bridge or distance, you can start right where you left off and always feel understood. 

Every kind of friendship is valuable, but certain things will strengthen and build it, while other things will cause it to weaken or even break. 

What kind of a friend are you? Do you do most of the giving or most of the taking? Do you keep in touch and take responsibility for regular communication and planning get-togethers? Do you let your friends know how much they mean to you? Are you the kind of friend you’d want to have? 

There are a few key elements to meaningful, lasting friendship... 

Trust is the first biggie. You have to be able to trust a friend -- at least to the degree you wish to relate. In other words, you don’t have to tell every friend your deepest, darkest secrets, but you should be able to trust the person with whatever you do share. 

Likewise, you must be trustworthy yourself. Which means keeping your friend’s confidences, protecting her reputation, being reliable. 

Communication is also key. Particularly in female friendships. (And let’s face it, male friendships do tend to be different.) Communication, first of all, means staying in touch -- calling, emailing, writing, spending time together. If one person is doing most or all of the work, resentment and hurt feelings can build. 

Sometimes we get into patterns where we’re used to playing a predictable role, but friendships must grow and change if they’re going to be satisfying. We should examine the habits we have with our friends and decide if we want to start showing up a little differently. 

Another part of communication is being a good listener, not just a talker. Naturally, our friends provide us shoulders to cry on and ears for venting, but if we’re always verbally dumping our stuff without being available in return, we’re just using people instead of engaging in mutually beneficial relationships. 

A third key element in any true friendship is compassion. All of us fight battles at times and we need friends who can be kind when life is cruel, who will be there for us when others leave, who will remind us of who we are and hold out hope when we’ve lost our way. 

There are many important aspects to friendship, but let’s now turn our attention for a moment to a few things that will weaken and destroy it... 

Jealousy and envy are high on the list. True friends rejoice in each others’ talents, successes, and strengths -- and they take no delight in each others’ faults and failures. If you find yourself jealous or envious of a friend, one way to deal with it is to simply ‘fess up. Being open about it can dissipate the thoughts and feelings and bring you closer together. 

Related to this is another harmful habit -- making comparisons. The beauty of friendship is that you share things in common, but you’re also wonderfully unique. When you compare yourself to a friend -- whether it’s in appearance, possessions, successes, whatever -- you step outside the bond you share and allow your insecurities to place a wedge. One way to handle this is to make your friend an ally in building up your confidence. If someone is consistently bringing you down or uninterested in your well-bring, it’s probably time to let that person go. 

Lack of mutuality is another obstacle. Friendships can go through seasons... when one person gives more than another. But generally speaking, it is by nature, mutual. Both people give and take. Both talk and listen. Both take responsibility for growth and change in the relationship. 

And what about all the tough stuff? There are certainly many challenges we can face: When a friend marries or has a baby and all but disappears; or you wake up and realize you’ve changed and no longer enjoy a friend the way you did; or you’re doing most of the work in a friendship and don’t know how to change it; or someone you considered close moves away and never calls or emails; or a friend betrays your trust... the list goes on. 

Dealing with these issues requires another e-letter, so I’ll be sure to do that soon. 

In the meantime, while Spring seems to be hiding its face here in the mid-Atlantic, I encourage you to be grateful for your friends, to express what they mean to you, and to examine how you can be the friend you would want to have. 

Until next time, peace to you and yours,
Zoe

Focus Therapy

"Kalina... Log off the computer... it's time for dinner." I called out from the kitchen one day.
"One minute. I just.... got.... to ....." Nina, was drawn back into the games of Webkinz World and couldn't even focus on finishing her sentence.
"Log off, nina."
"Yup." she continued to play.
"NOW!" I raise my voice. I felt my blood pressure going up.
"Coming... just one more...." 
"Do you need a FOCUS THERAPY session?" I walk over with a scowl. She loged off immediately.
"Done." she called out and ran past me, and sat down at the dinner table as if nothing happened.
Focus Therapy is a phrase coined first by the Pack Leader of this family. 
"We don't spank.... we use Focus Therapy." Rene smiled as we sped along highway 1 towards New Westminster. We were enjoying a lively discussion on the benefits and draw backs of flogging. 
"To hit your child out of anger, to satisfy your own selfish need to dominate, is not what I agree with." Rene continued, " We don't tan our children's hides, but a smack to teach consequence is something else."
 There were times, once or twice in their 10 and 11 years, as our girls proceeded to touch a hot stove or poke something into the electric socket that we needed to smack their little fingers to prevent a health and safety complication and to live a little longer, our offspring urged us to cuff them. To comply with the latest trend of being politically correct we termed the phrase, 'Focus Therapy'.
I received an e-mail today and I was reminded at how easily we, as adults, lose our focus... It's not only the kids.... Read below:


Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - 
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 

This is how it manifests: 

I decide to water my garden. 
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, 
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. 

As I start toward the garage, 
I notice mail on the outdoor table that 
I brought up from the mail box earlier. 

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. 

I lay my car keys on the table, 
Put the junk mail in the bin which is on the back patio, 
And notice that the bin is full. 

So, I decide to put the bills back 
On the table and take out the rubbish first. 

But then I think, 
Since I'm going to be near the mailbox 
When I take out the rubbish anyway, 
I may as well pay the bills first. 

I take my cheque book off the table, 
And see that there is only one cheque left. 

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, 
So I go inside the house to my desk where 
I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking. 

I'm going to look for my cheques, 
But first I need to push the Coke aside 
So that I don't accidentally knock it over.. 

The Coke is getting warm, 
And I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. 

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, 
A vase of flowers on the counter 
Catches my eye--they need water. 

I put the Coke on the counter and 
Discover my reading glasses that 
I've been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk, 
But first I'm going to water the flowers. 

I set the glasses back down on the counter, 
Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. 
Someone left it on the kitchen table. 

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, 
I'll be looking for the remote, 
But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, 
So I decide to put it back in the Family room where it belongs, 
But first I'll water the flowers. 

I pour some water in the flowers, 
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. 

So, I set the remote back on the table, 
Get some towels and wipe up the spill. 

Then, I head down the hall trying to 
Remember what I was planning to do. 

At the end of the day: 
The car isn't washed 
The bills aren't paid 
There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter 
The flowers don't have enough water, 
There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book, 
I can't find the remote, 
I can't find my glasses, 
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, 
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all darn day, 
And I'm really tired. 

I realize this is a serious problem, 
And I'll try to get some help for it, 
But first I'll check my e-mail.... 


Is this you? It is definitely me......  
I have worked in the travel industry for 19 years... and for those 19 years, I had a supervisor. I had a list of things I needed to do... each day there would be different things on that list that I needed to accomplish before 5pm... I had a time frame and schedule in which to accomplish these tasks. I knew what I needed to do, I did it well, and I finished on time.
I have been laid off since last June and lately the email above describes my day to a T. I start off with good intentions to write.... I do believe this is what God wants me to do... But then, I get a little lost in the day to day of life...... Wake up, Feed the kids, drive them to school, walk the dog, load of laundry, sweep the floors, clean the breakfast dishes, unload the dishwasher, have coffee with my neighbour Martha, wash the floors, weed the garden, clean the bathrooms, bring the overdue library books back, walk the dog again, pick up kids,  fold the laundry, Piano lessons, Rock Wall, Riding lessons, Swimming lessons, have a coffee with husband, make dinner..... did I have lunch?.... clean up dinner dishes, put kids to bed, let dog out one last time, write? 
 Are you kidding! When do I have time to write? 2am that's when...... I need some Focus Therapy. Then, I second guess myself and my purpose, my assignment.... am I supposed to write?.... maybe I heard wrong.... maybe God doesn't want me to write?..... maybe that's not my talent/gift?.....maybe he wants me to do something else?.... I question His will for me... never mind that He's been quite clear in the past.... but..... He's not clear now....  
 Being a House Wife/Writer/Sanitation Worker/Zoo Keeper/Teacher/Chef/Mediator/ Accountant/Gardener/Taxi Driver.... (I'll stop here... the list is really long)... It's hard work.... I need organization... I need lists.....I need a supervisor..... So.....  I called up my old supervisor at Transat Holidays and ask her to move in with me. She's moving in,..... in May. 

Another area in which I lose a lot of focus in, is doing things I don't like to do. Like taxes, for instance or the bathrooms. Somewhere, in the back of my grey matter... I know taxes need to get done.... and that it won't go away if I ignore it. Bathrooms don't go away either... they get stinky and demand that I do something about it. 
Life is a formula you can follow x(love God)+y(love each other) = z(Peace and harmony).  We don't live in Utopia just yet and the world's formula looks more like x(God's love) + y(love each other) + {b(taxes)- a(job loss)} + {L(bills) x t(lawsuit)} + {h(children crying) - p(cat puking hair balls)} + r(lack of passion for job) + f(Be content in all things) - {s(argument  with spouse) x q(car broke down) - e(dog ate the remote) + g(addictions) - d(grace) divide by 365(days of the year) = Z(???? I'm not sure you lost me with the cat puke).
 So, once again Focus Therapy needs to be applied to do the things we need to do, so we can move on and get to the things God wants us to do, so we can live in our sweet spot and gain a small glimpse into paradise. It's challenging to hold on to those dreams in life, and it's important to focus on your vision and hold on. 
 My life's boulevard is steeped in fog most days, and my dream doesn't always go the way I had pictured it (by now, I should have had an offer on my children's story 'Opa's Garden' and my screenplay 'Celia' was supposed to be in production), instead I'm blogging. Many times my feelings tell me to quit writing, that's when I hold on to God's will and vision for my life and I write a blog and keep going. 


"Kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you." 2 Timothy 1:6


If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Jack Dixon