Forgiveness

Last month I was privileged to teach the lesson of 'Forgiveness' at a Celebrate Recovery evening at MRBC. There were some people who weren't able to make it that evening. They really wanted to be there, but due to sickness were unable to attend, and there were others who were there and asked if I could send them my notes.

For those who asked, here is the teaching from that evening.

I began with a skit on what it looks like when we live in an unforgiven state. Although, I don't have a video of me doing that skit, I have found the skit on YouTube.

This skit may have caused some tension or discomfort in some of you. I know it made me feel quite uncomfortable the 1st time I saw it.

The purpose of it was to give you a visual of what unforgiveness looks like. Over time, I have come to realize that it's in these uncomfortable moments that God makes real change occur; and sometimes we need discomfort to get deep within to find who He created us to be.

Unforgiveness binds us up. However, even though we are bound, we can still put up a facade. We can make ourselves 'look' pretty in dark times (this is where I had Krista wrap Christmas garland around me).

We put on a smile, even when we want to cry.
We say, "I'm fine," even when we are angry.
We may 'look' pretty on the outside, but we're still very much tied up underneath.

FORGIVENESS

Principle 6 says, "We must evaluate all our relationships. Offer forgiveness to all who have hurt us and make amends for harm we have done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others."

"Happy are the merciful" (Matt 5:7)

"Happy are the peacemakers" (Matt 5:9)

Step 8 says, "We need to make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends."

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31)

Step 9 says, "We need to make amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the alter. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift." (Matt 5:23-24)

Tonight I'll be talking about 3 different kinds of forgiveness:

1) The forgiveness that God extends to us.

2) The forgiveness that we extend to those who have hurt us.

3) The forgiveness we must ask others whom we have hurt and to forgive ourselves.

I'd like to share with you a quote by John Baker, that I read as I prepared for tonight. He said, "If God wasn't willing to forgive, heaven would be empty." I thought about how empty my life would be if I didn't forgive those who have hurt me.

Forgiveness is letting go.

If I hold on to pain

If I hold on to anger

If I hold on to resentments

If I hold on to disappointments in myself/in others

I stay tied up on the inside and on the outside. You see when I'm tied up in unforgiveness, my hands are bound. They can't reach out to others. I'm stuck. I'm alone. I'm lonely, and I make more pain for myself.

If we want to be completely free from resentments, anger, fear, shame and guilt we need to give and accept forgiveness in all areas of our lives. If we don't our recovery will be stalled and incomplete.

It would be like swimming in a mud puddle. Even though clear raindrops are falling on you, like little seeds of light and hope. You are still choosing to swim around in the mud, instead of choosing to swim to shore and walking out.

How do we get out of the mud?

By choosing to get out!

I've spoken with the kids at Celebration Station on the challenges of forgiveness. One of our lessons in our curriculum was to make a list of all the people who have hurt us since our birth. My list was longer than theirs. Go figure?

We went through the list and crossed off all the people we already forgave, except the ones where we said, "Yeah, I forgive, but..." You see, when there's a 'but' attached, you haven't truly forgiven them.

Then we took a look at Luke 7:44-47.

"Then Jesus turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? When I came into your house, you gave me no water for my feet, but she washed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You gave me no kiss of greeting, but she has been kissing my feet since I came in. You did not put oil on my head, but she poured perfume on my feet. I tell you that her many sins are forgiven, so she showed great love. But the person who is forgiven only a little will love only a little."

Simon didn't give his ALL. He held back. He had little love. The woman gave everything she had, her ALL. She showed Jesus great love.

It's about attitude. Our humble and honest attitude. When we hold up walls around our hearts. When we're all tied up, we don't give our ALL. We don't show great love.

Jesus tells us that our scattered bits and pieces are just not sufficient.

Forgive with our whole being

Love with our whole being

Otherwise, we end up with only a little

Sometimes, the problem with "giving it our all", when it comes to forgiveness, is because we are addicted to feeling good, and we may think that everything needs to 'feel good' in order to do it.

"I know I've got to forgive, but it hurts! I don't feel like it."

This type of attitude binds us up.

"We need to do, what we know we should do even when we don't feel like it!"

Joyce Meyers

Loving the people who have hurt us unconditionally is a very big challenge, but God commands us to do it.

"Which is the most important command?" Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the greatest commandment. The second most important is similar. Love your neighbour as much as you love yourself." (Matt 22:36-40)

But... How can we love and forgive others if we don't love and forgive ourselves?

No matter how unloved or worthless you may feel about yourself, did you know that God loves you? He made us in His image. He doesn't create junk! Your feelings about yourself does not change His love for you. He has already forgiven you, way before you were even born.

It's up to you to accept it or not. You have a choice.

Now, self forgiveness is not a matter of assigning the blame to someone else and letting yourself off the hook. It's not a licence for irresponsibility either. It's just an acknowledgement that you are human like everyone else and that you've reached a stage in your life where you are able to give yourself greater respect.

When you forgive yourself and others, you won't change your past, but you will change your future. God will enable us to do what He has called us to do. Remember that He has forgiven us first and He asks us to follow Him into freedom.

This path is a difficult one and sometimes it won't 'feel' good and there will be times on this road of forgiveness where we will need to stop and ask someone we trust for some help. Sometimes we will need to ask them to untie us (this was where I asked Krista to help me out of the straight jacket).

Forgiving sets us free.

Isaiah 1:18-19 shows us what God wants to do with the darkness in our lives.

"Come, let's talk this over! says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool! If you will only let me help you."

Becoming un-bound not only leaves our hands free to reach out to others, but it also frees us to accept the gift of a helping hand and God's gift of mercy.

There's a song by the sidewalk prophets that recently came out and it made a great impact on me. The chorus goes;

I am the thorn in your crown

I am the sweat from your brow

I am the nail in your wrist

Yes, I am Judas' kiss

Each of us, in our own ways, have taken this beautiful gift of life and at times have turned it into something ugly.

We are the thorn in God's life - When we react with fear, bitterness and resentment.

We are the sweat on God's brow - When we run around in circles, doing the same thing over and over again. Staying tied up, not learning, not trusting. Swimming in the mud.

We are the nail in God's wrist - When we react with anger and violence.

We are Judas' kiss - When betray, when we lie.

We are all these things to God when we don't live our lives for what He created us for. But, you see, the song doesn't end there:

But you love me anyways

It's like nothing in life that I've ever known

Yes, you love me anyway

Oh, Lord, how you love me, how you love me

God knew his creation would disappoint Him, but he had a plan. Because He loves us anyways, He sent us a great gift. The gift of His son, to teach us, to heal us and to save us. This gift comes freely. He just asks us to love Him, to trust Him and He asks us to love like Him; no matter what pain we may have caused others/ourselves or what pain they have caused us.

Mercy means getting something we don't deserve. Mercy is the gift God 1st gave us.

As we head into Christmas this week, as we celebrate the birth of God's son, I pray that you find yourself unbound and reaching out to give others the gift that God 1st gave us.

Give mercy to those who have hurt you.

Give forgiveness and "love them anyways".

Thanks to:

YouTube for both videos

Sidewalk Prophets "You love me anyways"

Pastor ddromberger "Forgiveness" skit

Joyce Meyer for the quote

John Baker and the Celebrate Recovery leader's Guide and Celebration Station curriculum 

Why Don't I Get Any Reception?

"Hello?"
"Heeelllooo?"
"HELLOOOO?"
"Great! No reception."

Has this ever happened to you? You take a step into another room and your call gets dropped or you can't even make a call because there's just no cell reception?
Physically, this happens to us all the time, but what about spiritually? Did you ever feel disconnected from God? I have and it's not pleasant. So, why do we lose reception? Is it Gods fault for not building enough towers, therefore causing poor reception? Or is it our fault for not having the proper equipment (or the proper attitude) to take His call? 

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" (NIV)
Isaiah 30:18

Some versions say that "The Lord God is waiting to show you how kind He is"... and that, "... blessed are all those who trust or long for Him."
So, if I understand this correctly, he is not pushing his calls on us, and he doesn't work in a busy call centre, selling himself and his products around dinner time. He's waiting for us to call him, the line is open, He is waiting... we have to make the first move to trust him.

So, what if you do trust? What if you have prayed and you are still having difficulties with the connection? What then? 

Maybe we're a little crabby and need an attitude adjustment? Maybe we're a little rusty and can't remember how to call on Him? Maybe we're too far away? Too self focused and can't hear anyone else, just our own voice? Whatever the reason, we need to make the adjustment, because Gods line is always open.

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” 
Isaiah 30:21

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Excerpt from the book 'Holes In My Gas Tank'

It’s funny how you know at a very young age what you should become when you grow up. Does God instill that passion, or is it part of our DNA make-up?

 I loved getting dressed up in costume and putting on plays or ‘Shows’ for my parents and their friends at dinner parties. The rest of the cast (kids) and I would arrange a story to tell; get dressed in mom and dads old clothes then act out our story on a make believe stage.

 Grade school was similar, my friends and classmates and I would write out plays, practice and then act them out in front of the class. I loved going to school because of this, until second grade.

 A horrible thing happened to me and the incident became the downfall of my acting career. I know, grade two may seem a little young to think about a career change, or a career for that matter, but in the course of a few months, a deep sense of shame was thrust upon me that second year of grade school, and my first reaction was to run. I ran and gave up on my dream.

 I portrayed the head of the household, a.k.a. father, in our little play at school and my friend was the family dog. Our Teacher loved the play so much that she asked us to perform it on the Big Stage for the rest of the school at the next assembly.

 Tensions were high among my fellow actors; nerves were drawn tight that fateful morning of our début.

 “What was my line again?” the dog asked.

 “You don’t have any, stupid! You’re the DOG!” my fellow patriot in the arts cried out. She was practicing and getting into ‘character’ for her maternal portrayal of the lady pack leader and mother.

 It was organized chaos behind the curtain before our first scene. A hush fell among the artists as the curtain slowly opened. There was a momentary pause and then the scene began. The first half of the show went well. We all knew it. A pride set in. Perhaps we got a little cocky? That’s why the second act went awry. We got sloppy.

 Scene 2, second act; the dog had to jump up onto the pack leader. That happened to be me. I wasn’t paying attention. I was looking out into the crowd. Looking for the familiar faces of my friends. Looking for approval.

I saw her, the dog, come at me from the corner of my eye. I saw her too late! She couldn’t slow down. I was supposed to catch her. She lost her footing. She was about to fall off the stage when she grabbed me. She took a hold of my stretchy 1972 polyester elasticized pants when she went down.  There was no belt to hold up my pants. There were no suspenders to keep them up. The dog fell, so did my pants, in front of the whole school. I never acted again, until recently, 30 years later.

 There’s a movie called ‘The Bucket List’. I made myself a list like that after my Uncle died a few years ago. On this list was to take an Acting class. I did and I LOVED IT. It felt as if I were finally doing what God created me to do.  This was who I was, what I was meant to do all along. Write and Act. It was a revelation. How does an accounts receivables technician for the past 13 years just drop everything and take up this passion? It’s illogical to drop all and hit the thespian road. I couldn’t do it. Not yet. Money Honey. It’s what pays the bills and puts food on the table.

 “Sometimes you need to leap,” Krista, my friend advised, “You need to show God You are willing to move towards being obedient to him.”

“I can’t,” I replied, “Don’t throw away the old pair of shoes before you buy a new pair.” My parents instilled this into my being.

“I can’t just quit my job and start writing.   It’s absurd!”

 “You’ve got to trust.”

 “I don’t even know for sure it’s what God wants. What if it’s just what I want?” I knew that statement wasn’t true. Deep in my heart I knew God wanted me to write and inspire other women and help children.

 I was at a Women of Faith Conference in Vancouver when God told me what he wanted of me. I gave my life, again, to Christ there. In the midst of these hundreds of women praying and loving, unconditionally, I found Him again. And as I watched Nicole Johnson, doing a skit on stage, Gods told me, “That is what I want you to do.”

 What I told my friend and sister in Christ was a lie, I did know what God wanted of me but I was stalling. Fear held me captive; she knew it too.

 “Jump Anuschka, He will catch you.”

 “I can’t.”

This was written a few years ago and although, I haven't jumped off the edge, I have put on a harness and I am now hanging off the edge, slowly belaying my way. I'm not a blind jumper. I've come to realize that this is the way I am. I'm a slow mover, researching every aspect of something before I ease my way into it. Since I wrote those words 4 years ago, I have acted in 2 Mary and Martha plays with my friend Krista at 2 woman's retreats and I have spoken a few times at Celebrate Recovery. Sometimes, it's a slow process and I've come to realize that this is OK. It's given me time to grow and learn and it's given me time to get to know the Dream Giver a little better.

I have stopped saying, "I can't." It's changed to words like, "Maybe not now, but soon." Or, "I still need to learn a few more things before God will open up that door." And I really do, still need to learn a lot, because just the other day I slipped a bit. I took a survey. A survey on Facebook that was based on the date of my birthday and it would tell me what jobs I would be good at and what I was born to do. 

- Housekeeper (LOL!)

- Nurse

- Caregiver

- Home Decorator/Interior Designer (LOL!)

- Healer

- Nanny

Although, some items on this list are not far off from what is instinctual for me and I could see myself doing this job, I am still shaking my head as to why I took that survey in the first place. Instead of trusting God, I looked to the world to tell me what my Creator had in mind for me to do, and for just a moment (actually a few moments), I second guessed the dream. I got confused again and I wondered, "is this really what God wants me to do? Because maybe... just maybe... He really wanted me to be a Interior Designer?" 

(You can stop laughing now, Krista, Betty and Tamara! - the D4N's ladies who have had coffee at my house - they know the truth). 

Sometimes change is fast and furious,

Sometimes change takes time.

Prepare your mind for action,

Prepare your will for self-control.

Set your hope on the grace been given to you,

and be holy in all you do. (Paraphrase 1 Peter 1:13-16)

“We have not yet been shown what we will be in the future…. But… we will be like Him.” (1John 3:2).

Joy Comes In The Morning

There's a song by Jesus Culture that goes, "there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning."



A few nights ago I found myself alone and feeling a little sorry for myself. A little pity party for just me, myself and I. It didn't last long. The personal pity parties have been fewer and fewer these days because I am gently reminded to give the garbage I'm holding onto away. See video 'Trash' below.



In the morning, I felt better. I took the dog to the dyke and as I watched her run through the tall grass a thought stuck me. As thoughts often do, they come without warning sometimes, and I was unprepared, no pad or pencil. So, I'll relay those thoughts, from memory, as best as I can.

"Angel's happy!" She looked ecstatic. Joyfully running circles around me. I realized she was happy because I had brought her to the place she was born to be in. Tall grass, marshland, water, and the home to wild animals (I did see a bear there a couple of days ago with her cub and the salmon are spawning). She's part Louisiana Catahoula Leopard dog mix with, Labrador and Australian Shepard. Catahoula's were breed to hunt wild boar in the bijou's, the marsh's and tall grass and although she wasn't hunting, that morning, she was herding and running circles around me just as an Australian Shepard might do. She was doing what she was born to do.
My daughter Alora had that same sparkle of joy when she was jumping a horse over 2'6 foot fences at the Pony Club games a few weeks ago. Rene has that spark in his eyes when he's on an adventure or needs to McGiver a solution to fix a problem. Kalina has it when she's working on an experiment or when she's explaining a good book she's read.
Each of us was born for a purpose and when that purpose is unclear we flounder through life confused listening to what other people think we should do. In the process, feeling discontent and disappointed.

God made each of us for a purpose. He gifted us with dreams and idea's to fill and accomplish, and he gave us the tools we need to make those dreams come true. Because we live in a fallen world, we don't always have the daily opportunity to follow that dream. There are bills to pay, children to feed, perhaps even a sickness to get through and we get side-tracked from the vision God gave us.  We have responsibilities and the side path you may be on is necessary because we do not live this adventure alone and there are others who rely on us. But, just as there are season's in a year, there are also season's in our lives. Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

There are times when we wish the summer was here already, yet it's only 2 days into winter.
There are days when I wished I had more time to research and write.
There are days that I wish I had already written many books and a few screen plays and I wish that I was making an income from these things so I could have time to concentrate on writing more.

But, it's not my season yet and I must be honest here, I don't always know if it will ever come. Hence, the pity parties. In those clear times, when I am focused on God, I know He wants me to write people's stories. He wants me to write words to tell people that they are not alone. They are loved. If one of these stories equips someone with a seed of hope and gives them strength, then I've done the job God wants me to do. I feel that spark of joy. I feel it now as I write these words to you.

This give and take is a hard balance sometimes and there were times when I felt terribly confused. I may have given myself and my time to others too much, listening to them instead of to God. However, on the flip side, when I'm too self-focused I end up not seeing others, and I don't help them with their need. Tough to balance, and it probably takes a lifetime to fine tune. But, this is how life goes, it's a roller coaster ride of great lows and disappointments, great highs of joy and everything in-between.
Perhaps, those 'highs' we get to experience are extra special only because of the 'low' places we've walked. A roller coaster wouldn't be much fun if it only had highs and no lows. The same is true for our lives.

A last thought:
Maybe the 'high' times of joy come more often when our attitude through the 'low' times are full of integrity, peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness and love?

1 Thessalonians 5:16
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Maybe, that's what being 'free' means?

What do you think?

35 PSI - Pressure, Seriously, Intense

"The car's tire needs air," said my husband as I was about to drive away. I was late and feeling a little rushed.
"HUH?" I asked, not knowing which tire, how much air and where do I do this. I don't think I've ever put air into a car tire before, bicycle yes, car no. I must have looked confused, because my husband rolled his eyes at me.
"If you don't do it tonight, that means I have to do it at 2:30am tomorrow morning."
"I'll do it," I said, "but where and how much air?" I looked at the clock on the dashboard of my little Toyota Corolla and sighed. I had 05 minutes to get to where I needed to be and it was a 15 minute drive to get there.
"Can I do it after? I'm late."
"Yes. Save-On-Gas, the air is free and 35 PSI."
"Okay, remember the number 35." I said out loud. My husband heard me and wrote a number 35 in the dust on the front hood of the car. This was last Tuesday, it may still be there?

All evening I was wondering what PSI stood for:
- Pretty, sound, information
- Possible, serious, impression
- Pretentious, state of impatience

Nothing I came up with had anything remotely to do with air and how it goes into a tire. Now, I was tired. It had been one of those long days, actually, long months truth be told and I was feeling a little run down. Perhaps, just as flat as my tire. I was running low and avoiding the place where I could fill up again.
I stopped reading the Bible, I stopped praying everyday, I stopped going to church and I avoided other Christians as best I could. Why? Perhaps, because I didn't want them to see why I was so down in the dumps. Maybe, because I didn't want to have to explain it and I didn't want to be known as a complainer and a constant whinnier. I just wanted it to go away.
I had a string of bad luck all summer long and I was not coping with it well. In fact I was a little angry with the big guy upstairs, too. Why was God doing this to me? I felt like an Egyptian in the time of Moses.
"It's supposed to come in 3's!" I yelled out. Were up to 8 or 9 now.
Does anyone have some  Lambs blood to put over my door before the 10th plague hits us?

For the last couple of months I have felt like I've been under some seriously intense pressure.

Hey... PSI (Pressure, Seriously, Intense), that's what PSI stands for! PSI was my malady. Now, what's the cure?

That evening after my appointment, I rolled into Save-On-Gas. I checked the pressure on the flat tire, it was at 20 PSI. Then, I placed the air hose thingy on the wheel thing-a-ma-bob to fill the tire. A few moments later I noticed the tire looked flatter. I checked the pressure again. It was down to 10 PSI. WHAT?
"Isn't it supposed to go up in pressure when filling it?"
"Mom, do you want me to ask the attendant?"
"No, no... I'll figure it out... give me a few moments." A few moments passed and it was now down to 5 PSI.
"What the heck is going on! The thingy and the thing-a-ma-bob were connected properly!" The PSI inside me was building. My daughter ignored her stubborn Mother and went in to ask the attendant about the air hose and why our tire was getting flatter instead of fuller.
"It should work now Mom, try again." It seemed the air hose generator was turned off for the night. In a few minutes the tire was up to 35 PSI and my PSI was released.

The cure for a high PSI level is not a stubbornness to fix it yourself. It's asking for help. And, if you can't ask for it yourself, to have someone in your life bold enough to ask for you.

May God fill you with strength to be able to let go and ask for help, and may he surround you with bold and loving people.

Thank-you God!

Anuschka

PS: PSI is a unit of pressure - pounds per square inch

The 10th Commandment

Everyone knows them, even unbelievers I would suggest to say. So why did I as a Christian have difficulty with the 10th one?

My daughter started school last month in a neighbouring town. Being the manager of Mom's Taxi Service, I was recruited for the job of driving her to and from school. Within the first 2 weeks, I began to noticed the beautiful houses near the school and my mind wondered what it would be like to live in one of these luxurious homes.
Over the weeks I found myself desiring to live in one of them. I began to imagine all sorts of things on those drives to and from school, and I began to justify why it was a good idea to move.
Then I realized that these thoughts were my desires and that I did not have a thankful heart for what God had already given me. I was coveting material things.

Exodus 20:17 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's."

Smack dab in the middle of all this wanting, the Lord put a devotion in front of me about coveting. It was a light bulb moment for me, however, it did not take the desire out of my heart. At the end of that second week I went for a walk with my Christian Aunt and I poured out my heart, my desire, and sin to her.
The following week when I drove my daughter to school the desire was gone. By talking about it, out loud to a fellow Christian, it made me accountable and then, and only then, God could do his magic and help take that desire away.

Thank-you God!

Tamara

Cliche's and Pinky Finger Burnings

2 days after 

I burned my pinkie finger on a cast iron frying pan last Tuesday afternoon. It was a stupid move. Easily prevented, but I was in a bit of a rush and instead of taking the time to put on my oven mitt I used a tea towel to push the pan aside.
"This is a great topic for your blog," my husband looked at me as I sat there with my hand up in the air above my heart and a towel filled with ice wrapped around my pinkie finger not getting what he's trying to tell me, "The ice sooths your burn like God sooths your insides."I was trying to focus on what he was saying to me, but the thumping in my finger kept distracting me.
"A bit of a cliche, though." He continued. Ice soothing a burn like God soothing your soul was definitely cliche and I found myself a little irritated at his idea.
"It's all been done before!" I thought to myself, "I want to write about something more, not cliche's.

Yet here I am writing it. God certainly works in mysterious ways.

Yes, the ice soothed the burn, it died down the pounding in my little finger, but when I took it off the ice, YOW! Like my finger was still stuck to that red hot frying pan. From 5pm till 7:20pm Tuesday night my finger felt like it was stuck in hell. I have to be honest here, it was a little hard to multi-task that night and I was leading a Celebration Station meeting with 5 kids to keep busy.
At 7:10pm that evening I found I had a minute to myself, the kids were all playing, and I realized that I didn't pray about this burn yet. I was so busy that I forgot to talk to God about it. There I sat, on a little red pre-school chair, ice dripping onto a table made for a midget, and I closed my eyes and asked God if he could please remove the pain so I could focus on the kids. Very simple. No waving of the hands, speaking in tongues or bending of the knees, just a simple heart felt prayer. Within 10 minutes, the pain was gone. I was actually able to put pressure on the white blister... and there was no pain.

Some of you may be rolling your eyes right now, "Whatever! This lady's crazy." or, "The burn wasn't that bad, this lady's a whiner," or, for those New Ager's out there, "It was mind over matter," or how about, "It was the ice that did it... it was on her finger for over two hours," and I'll admit the ice did help, I have no doubt of that, but something more happened to me that evening. Never mind the burn, never mind the pain, never mind the 'healing'. All this physical stuff is insignificant. A tiny speck in the bigger picture. I trusted God and He was there, and I am a tiny step closer to him than I was before.

I have a better understanding of what James (half brother of Jesus), wrote when he said, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does." James 1:2-8 (NIV)


I used to be doubtful that any of this 'religious' stuff was real and useful. I was tossed and blown from idea to idea and became double minded and unstable. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I finally understand that God does want to give generously and we need to trust Him and not doubt. We need to make the first step towards Him.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and I will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:13-14 (NIV)

For those doubter's out there, maybe this picture will help?

In the movie the Matrix, it was all about our choices and the choice to hope, the choice to believe. Neo had a choice, to believe Morpheus or not. If he had chosen not to believe he would have gone back to his 'normal life' and nothing would have changed (it would have made for a very poor ending - not box office material). Neo chose to believe and he swallowed the red pill.


"The red pill and its opposite, the blue pill, are pop culture symbols representing the choice between the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue) and embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red)."

After he made his choice he was downloaded with programs to help him fight battles, he had strength to asked questions and patience and perseverance to find the answers, and in the end his effort helped him save the human race.

When we take the first step in believing in God, through reading the Bible and prayer, He can download programs into us that will help us to see things a little clearer, story by story. Before all this can happen we need to chose the red pill. It's our choice. It's not a fast download, like in the Matrix, it takes time. While we learn, fingers are burned, knees get scratched, ugly words are spoken, frustrations and irritations get the best of us and we get hurt.

When we're too busy doubting and too self focused, we don't do anyone any good, especially ourselves. Our thoughts keep us too busy and we don't see reality. We are stuck in a personal dream world of pains, wants and desires.

Love heals, love changes people, love changes circumstances, and love allows you to grow.

Have an Amazing Day!
D4N