Wednesday, May 11, 2011

de Nial (French for a river in Egypt)

- Can't we stop talking about it? Talking only makes it worse.
- If we don't talk about it, it will go away.
- Let's pretend that it didn't happen.
- If I tell her that it hurts me when she says that, I'm afraid she'll leave me.
- He really doesn't drink that much.
- It really doesn't hurt when she does that; I'm fine.
- He drinks more than I do! Besides he taught me how to drink.
- She's been married 3 times; I've only been married twice.

- I eat because you make me so mad!
- If you didn't nag me all the time, I wouldn't....
- Look Honey, I have a tough job; I work hard. I need a few drinks to relax. It doesn't mean I have a problem. It's the only way I can get to sleep.
- It's their fault, my parents didn't do their job well. They were screwed up.

Do any of these comments sound familar?

"If I just had one more trip to Punta Cana, I would be fine," LOL! That was what I told myself a few years ago, that was my hang-up, one of many.
"I just need to get away. Go on a trip. Then I'll be able to handle life again." Hiding in a closet would have done the same I supose. It's just running away afterall. For some it's just one more drink, one more smoke, one more bite of food, one more fast ride, one more bungy jump, one more word of praise, one more car, one more piece of jewlery. These 'one mores', have tripped me up. They took the place of me having to take a really good look at myself. The depths of one's soul is a scary place to be sometimes. You may lose control. Nobody wants to lose control of their emotions. Sometimes, they've been locked up tight for many years; and really, who wants to be around someone who is losing control? I know I would feel uncomfortable. 

Effects of Denial:

Disables our feelings
Energy lost
Negates growth
Isolates us from God
Alienates us from our relationships
Lengthens the pain

Here are a few quotes from the Celebrate Recovery Guide by John Baker:

The 1st step to healing is to admit our denial. 

"You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" Jeremiah 6:14

Denial freezes our emotions and binds us, but understanding and feeling our feelings is where we find freedom.

Remember it is always better to tell the ugly truth rather than a beautiful lie.

"Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves." Ephesians 4:25

Truth, like surgery, may hurt for a while, but it cures.

"Know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

I recently took a really good look at my hurts, habits and hang-ups. Here's my list:
- Bursts of anger (only once a month when my Auntie Flow comes to visit...I may need medication or I'll have to tell her not to come anymore. LOL!).

Okay, the serious list now:
- Self-doubt. Not good enough. I am easily replaced. No one listens to me. Nobody would care if I was gone. I hear the negative comments people have, before I hear the positive and I tend to hold on to the negative far too long.
- Compare myself to other's. She's a better houskeeper, He's a better parent. She's a better writer, He's a better Christian...etc...the list goes on.
- Anger at those who say one thing and do another. I hate people who are 2-faced. I have no patience with dishonesty.
- Seek approval. Am I doing this alright? Is this blog okay? Did I say too much? Did I leave too much out? Should I be so open with my "list"? Is it the way you wanted me to do it? Wherever you want to go, that's what I want to do. Instead of making a decision for myself, I seek other's approval above my own or God's.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past." Isaiah 43:18

" Let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those things that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up." Hebrews 12:1

Over the last few years I've learned that God has a unique plan for each and every one of us. A plan for good, not a life full of dependencies, addictions and obsessions. He doesn't want you to stay frozen in an unhealthy relationship or a bad habit. He wants you to do your part in becoming healthy. I am working on my "list". I know it's a process, it's not an overnight "fix". 

If you are ready to work on your own "list", and are ready to admit to denial, and want to work on your hurts, habits or hang-ups, come this Friday night to Celebrate Recovery at 

St. John's, 21299 River Rd, Maple Ridge, BC V2X 2B1

1st lesson will be on Denial...and no it's not french for a river in Egypt.

PS: Celebration Station will begin this Friday night as well. It's a kids program that runs alogside the adults program and will equip kids from 5 to 13 years of age to overcome the patterns of hurts, hang-ups and habits. 

I love you guys...
May you be filled with God's abundant joy today.  


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Husband, My Hero

Bonjour Dear Friends,

 I just wanted to let you know, that I'm in the middle of getting my house in order (My house, house...not me personally). You see, I'm not the best house wife out there. Truthfully, I prefer to research, read and write than do dishes. But, I've got some people coming over for a Cinco de Mayo Party this Thursday and I thought I would begin to de-clutter and clean early. I began the daunting task yesterday, I figured 4 days would give me enough time to make my house look like Martha's. I was greatly's going to take me much longer.
 I made an error, yes that's right, a flub, a boo boo, a miscalulation, in my excitement to clean the house.
 As I dusted the shelves above the piano, I found three pictures that had been missing since the renovations of my bathroom downstairs. I had been on my husbands case for years to have this room done, and six months ago we finally had saved up enough money for a new sink, fresh paint and floor tiles. YES! This was the worst room in the house and I was so looking forward to a nice new bathroom. I was so excited!
Rene did an amazing job. It looked beautiful. He has such a talent with these kinds of things, that's why he started up a little part-time business called Brother Odd. Odd jobs are his specialty. I've also on occasion called him McGyver. He can fix anything with a paperclip and duct tape (emergency fix of course...he wouldn't leave it that way).
"That's where you went." I spoke to the three wayward prints, then I found a hammer, three nails and headed to my beautifully renovated bathroom.
"They'll look good right about there." I held up each photo and measured the spot on the wall. I pressed the nail with a little force to etch a mark where each sailboat portrait would hang. I dreamt of putting 3 blue Ikea CYLINDER vases along the top of the toilet with tea lights in them, just to add a little 'Martha' touch.
"And that's a good thing." she would say.
Two pictures went up with no problems, the third nail was stuck. It wouldn't go in.
"Maybe I hit the beam?" I thought to myself and jiggled the nail and pulled it out slowly.
"OOOOOPPPPSSS!" Water squirted out of the pin hole I had made. Lots of water. It gushed out and wet my shoulder.
"OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!" I stuck my finger over the hole and screamed. It's kind of ironic. The story of the dutch boy who put his finger in the dyke, came to my mind. Here I was a 40+ year old woman living out one of the childhood stories I heard so long ago. If I recall correctly, I visited the site when I was about my daughter's age.
"RENE!" I yelled out the bathroom door and grabbed the towel and held it up against the wall.
"RENE! OH NO!" I felt like an idiot. My poor bathroom. All that hard work.
"RENE!" I cried once more and there he came.
My knight in shining armor. My Prince. My Love. He was working on a diesel engine in the carport when he heard my cry. Okay, so he wasn't exactly dressed in shining armor, he had his greasy black hoody on with black streaks across his cheek. He wasn't carrying his sword, but he had a screwdriver in his hand and he knew where the valve was to shut off the water (FYI, for those of you who live in the same complex as's behind the furnace).
Rene had to punch a hole about 1 foot across and 1 1/2 feet down, in my newly renovated bathroom. He let the pipe dry and then he soldered the pin prick shut.
"WOW!" he said when the task was completed. "Suddenly I feel wide awake and pumped!" He smiled and kissed me passionately. In that moment, I realized, it was a very important thing for a man to rescue his woman and fix the mess she has somehow found herself in. It feels good to be needed and to help... feels even better when you've done a good job.
Maybe I should make a mess more often? house won't be perfect on Thursday. I don't think the hole will be fixed by then (we have to keep it open for a few days to make sure it doesn't leak).
 I don't mind if you don't mind. Just don't touch the's itchy.

So much for re-decorating... Doesn't matter anyways, I'm not Martha. 
Think I'll go pick up a book.

Love You!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Deeds for Needs: Mother's Get All Tied Up

Deeds for Needs: Mother's Get All Tied Up

Monday, May 2, 2011

Mother's Get All Tied Up

 Did You Know?

In Serbia, to celebrate their Mom's, they sneak into the parent's bedrooms and tie the Mom's up. Yes, that's right, Serbian children tie up their Mom's! When the Mom wakes up, they must give their children gifts and treats to be set free. LOL! 

How do you celebrate Mother's day? 

For the last few weeks, I have been wondering what I could do to show my Mother how much I appreciate and love her. You see, I did something that upset her and although it was not my intention, I hurt her feelings. I am sorry Mom. 

Hurting the ones we love is easy to do when we mis-communicate. Mis-communication runs rampant in this fallen world. Some have even mis-communicated God's word, and have made many woman feel to be lesser humans. Perhaps, you have been made to feel the weaker gender, second fiddle, helper, maid or slave?
God says it wasn't good for Man to be alone, there may be some Men out there that feel differently about this, but God made woman in His image too.

"So God created human beings in His image. In the image of God He created them. He created them male and female." Genesis 1: 27

But then He said, "It is not good for Man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him." Genesis 2:18

To be truthful with you, I have felt a little irritated and rebellious at this role of "helper". 
"I didn't apply for it!  I've worked 10 hour days downtown and commuted 3 hours, only to come home to dishes in the sink and laundry piled up. Just waiting for me, because no one else can do it? 
"I'm not the help." I would cry myself to sleep sometimes. "Surely, there's more to life than this?"
The many hats a woman must wear in one day's time is overwhelming, and at times, I have just wanted to give up. 

Ezer Kenegdo 

Ladies, this word is going to change how you look at yourself from now on. I know it will, because last week as the 'Deeds for Needs' ladies gathered together to finish off chapter nine of the Captivating series by John and Staci Eldredge, something shifted inside of me. This word, made me see just how much God loves me and how I have a irreplaceable role to play in this life's drama (sometimes it's more of a comedy, but that's for another post). 
When God creates Eve, He calls her Ezer Kenegdo in the original Hebrew language of the Old Testament. The word Ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance, the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. 
Ezer means strength or power and Kenegdo means alongside or opposite to, a counterpart. 

"A better translation therefore of ezer would be life-saver." Stasi Eldredge from 'Captivating'.

We are a life-saving helper, who is indispensable and irreplaceable, walking alonside Man. WOW! Now, think about that for a little bit, let it sink in. It's hard to believe, I know, because it's goes against everything the world has told us about ourselves. We are not the weaker sex, we are a strength, a power that walks beside man. We have an important part to play. We are irreplaceable. We are made in God's image.

"From the first words of Genesis until the glorious conclusion at the end of the Revelation of John, what flows from every page of scripture is one grand prayer adventure. It is a love story about a God who chooses relationship rather than blind obedience, who allowed his only Son to be tortured and killed so that you and I could be washed clean of the sin that separates us from Him. God does not torture his beloved people. He calls to them." Sheila Walsh from 'Get off your knees and pray'.

If God does not torture us, why do we allow ourselves to be tortured? We allow other's to hurt us by  words or deeds and we allow us to hurt us by our actions or inaction's, then we torture ourselves a little bit more with guilt, shame or anger.

Mother's....Do you hear what God is calling you to be? He is calling you to be life-savers! It's a tough job, but you have help.

"I look up to the hills, 
but where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, 
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let you be defeated.
He who guards you never sleeps..." Psalm 121:1-3

"One thing I know now: It's a privilege to at least try to save each other. It's also a full-time job!" Allan Gurganus from 'Fourteen feet of water in my house'.

On a last note...
 I've noticed, over the years, most of the time it's me that ties myself up...self-doubt, not good enough, worry, comparing myself to other's, seeking approval and many other minute  irritations of life. These things make me stumble and the only way to break free is to give. Give freely with all my heart.

The Son's light feels good,
His warmth sinking deep,
Into my cold frosty soul.
Winter's ice melts away,
Leaving a blazing trail of joy.

The birds songs seem louder
The grass seems greener,
The sky seems bluer

I am alive!

May you find yourself broken free from what binds you this Mother's day. 
May you soar.

PS: Keep all ropes and duct tape safely hidden from little fingers! 

I love you