"Whoever forgives ends the quarrel." Ancient African Proverb
There have been moments in my life where I have honestly thought to myself, "What do I need to be forgiven for? I'm a good person. I'm not a murderer, adulterer, gossiper, thief, I don't act upon what I sometimes think....the list can go on, you fill in the blanks. "
Matthew 5:21-22 (NCV)
"You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, 'You must not murder anyone. Anyone who murders another will be judged.' But I tell you, if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be judged. If you say bad things to a brother or sister, you will be judged. And if you call someone a fool, you will be in danger of the fires of hell.
GULP....UM...Can I honestly say that I've never been angry? No. Can I sincerely say I have never called someone a fool? No.
I'm not very good at decision making. I am a codependent. I'm a procrastinator as well, and I hate to disappoint people, so I usually leave all the decisions for someone else, that way they are happy. I'm so easy going, that I just follow along. Simple, no conflicts.
Well, I recently made a selection, on my own, that took me months of prayers, pro's and con's lists, and sleepless nights to make, but make it I finally did. No one could make this decision for me. It wasn't easy trying to decipher through all the whirling thoughts, between mine and the worlds and find God's thought on it. And I truly thought it was the right decision. I still do. However, someone was disappointed with the decision I had made and instead of speaking to me directly, they posted their discontent on Facebook.
My first reaction was, "I'll never make another decision by myself for the rest of my life!" I realized that type of thinking wasn't too logical. So I took up another approach. I began to doubt myself, "Did I really make the right choice after months of sitting on the fence, maybe I shouldn't have jumped? I should have thought about it some more and asked more people what they would do." That type of thinking was taking a step back into a codependent lifestyle that had taken me years to climb out of. So, I became angry and with shaking fists and fiery tears, I relayed what had happened to my patient husband.
"Where were they during my questions? Huh?" When I needed someone to talk to about stuff, they sent web sites, links and months of 'we'll, get together to talk soon.' but nothing happened. I know people are busy. I understand that, so I went elsewhere.
"Where were they during my sleepless nights! And now they are judging me? On FACEBOOK!" As my spouse sat there listening to my fits of anger between sobs and self doubts, he waited patiently for me to finish. After a few moments I was quiet, tears streaming down my face.
"Remember last year," he calmly rubbed his goatee between his forefinger and thumb, "when that visiting pastor came.... what was his name again? Tom... something?"
"Tom Blackeby?" I asked blowing my nose into a very full tissue.
"Yeah... that's the guy," he smiled and put his hand on my knee and looked at me deeply, "remember what his sermon was on?"
"Are you kidding me?" I thought. My husband doesn't go to church. He's been maybe a handful of times and he happens to remember the sermon on GRACE! Figures.
I slumped down into my chair, embarrassed at my outburst.
"Maybe, you weren't the only one who disappointed this person that day? Maybe it wasn't you they were talking about? Maybe he wasn't feeling good? When my back hurts... I might be a little grumpy." He smiled, I laughed. He was right. We all say and judge things we know nothing about. Did I call this person to tell them how I felt? No. I judged. I'm sorry.
I called someone a fool. Looks like I'm not as good as I thought I was.
But..... If a murderer has hope... so do I.
Luke 23:39-43
One of the criminals on a cross began to shout insults at Jesus:" Aren't you the Christ? Then save yourself and us!"
But the other criminal stopped him and said, "You should fear God! You are getting the same punishment he is. We are punished justly, getting what we deserve for what we did. But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said, "Jesus remember me when you come into your Kingdom?"
Jesus said to him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
What did this criminal do to get into paradise? He believed who Jesus said he was....
It's at this point in our journey that will change us to stop being angry, stop thinking bad thoughts, stop calling people fools and just love them. We can't do it on our own, we need His love inside of us.
For decades, I have held onto a anger towards my mother for her alcohol abuse. I have called her a fool. I have called her a lot worse. I have been frustrated to the point where I just want to shake her silly and physically knock some sense into her. I know my sisters, her sister and my father feel similar.
"Doesn't she see what she's doing to her family?"
"She's so selfish!"
"She's mentally an infant in an adult body."
"If she really doesn't like this life of hers, that she has to drink to forget about it....why doesn't she just....put herself out of her misery."
I have thought these thoughts and more over the past 30+ years that this has been going on. I have prayed to God, to take this anger, frustration and uncaring because of a disappointed heart, away from me. I have asked for forgiveness, because of my thoughts and because of the hardness in my heart towards her. It didn't happen overnight. It's been a work in progress. It hasn't been easy. But, Jesus Christ has been my mentor. If I had relied on humans, or myself, I would not be where I am today.
July 6th, 2010
Arrived at my parents around 6:30pm. Mom was already sloshed. Tripping over things moaning, clutching her belly, walking sideways. That old familiar feeling crept out from deep within me. My body was stiff with anger when she came to hug me. Actually, she fell against me and I had to hold her up.
It was Tante Cobie's birthday. My father's sister was visiting from Alberta. She brought along Dad's oldest sis Tante Leni too, who was visiting from Holland. We hadn't seen her in decades. She must have felt so uncomfortable.
Dad was upset, my youngest sister was flustered, and the other fuming. This was going to be a great get together... I could tell. Mom's presence was irritating.
"Go to bed Mom." I said, "Looks like you're not feeling well. I'll help you up?" She didn't want to go to bed and pushed me aside and fell against the chair. I tried again later. I could tell everyone just wanted her out of the way. I was feeling embarrassed for her.... for Leni and Cobie.... for Sonja and Pauline. Even my brother in-law rolled his eyes at her receding back. We... no I wanted her gone.
"Is it all about you Anuschka?" that little voice asked, "Is this making YOU feel uncomfortable?...What is she feeling?"
"Oh Lord forgive me! I'm sorry for my attitude toward her. Lord, fill her heart with peace - let her know and feel your presence in her life.... Lord heal her... from the pain she feels physically to the pain she feels and is not releasing mentally and in her heart. I ask this in your name Jesus... Amen." There I sat among the family members....who were laughing and talking....and I could weep.
Eventually, during the evening, Mom did go up to bed. God told me to go up there and lay my hands on her and pray a healing prayer over her. I argued with him. It took a while, but I finally listened, the prompting was too strong to ignore.
She woke while I prayed over her. It was beautiful. She reached out and held my arm and said, "Thank-you."
I know with all my heart God loves her and is working on breaking the addiction. Opening her eyes and her heart, to move forward and to stop blaming. Where God's love is, there is always hope.
As I sat in the car driving home that night I thought, "Can you imagine? If everyone at the party prayed over my mother? Can you imagine the power of that? Instead of anger, frustration, hardness, uncaring, neutrality, feeling sorry for, wanting her gone, and whatever other negative feelings people were holding on to that night. Can you imagine if we all turned it around to something positive - to love?"
"To return evil for good is the devil's way; to return good for good is man's way; to return good for evil is God's way." A.M Hunter
Monday, August 2, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Love - Do They See it?
I'm dabbling in poetry now..... enjoy..
Love - Do They See It?
by Anuschka de la Court
Do they not see what I do?
Only coldness and disappointment in they're eyes.
Is it a mis-understanding?
Why can't they say, "I love you?"
"I can't say it if I don't feel it," they reply.
Why don't they feel it?
What have I done?
Why must it be what I have done?
They were at fault too.....
Why must I apologize?
Why must I bend knee and swallow my pride?
"A person without good sense finds fault with his neighbour.
But a person with understanding keeps quiet." Proverbs 11:12
I am a follower of Christ.
If I reflect deeply enough, I was partly at fault.
Everyone is,
in most situations,
a two way street.
"Resentment kills a fool." Job 5:2
and when we put someone in our own jail cell of hatred,
guess who is left guarding the door?
So I let it go...
I will always love,
even when I don't always feel it.
Feeling are fickle,
as are emotions.
Love is constant.
Love is truth.
When you understand this,
Love,
the feeling,
will follow.
Love - Do They See It?
by Anuschka de la Court
Do they not see what I do?
Only coldness and disappointment in they're eyes.
Is it a mis-understanding?
Why can't they say, "I love you?"
"I can't say it if I don't feel it," they reply.
Why don't they feel it?
What have I done?
Why must it be what I have done?
They were at fault too.....
Why must I apologize?
Why must I bend knee and swallow my pride?
"A person without good sense finds fault with his neighbour.
But a person with understanding keeps quiet." Proverbs 11:12
I am a follower of Christ.
If I reflect deeply enough, I was partly at fault.
Everyone is,
in most situations,
a two way street.
"Resentment kills a fool." Job 5:2
and when we put someone in our own jail cell of hatred,
guess who is left guarding the door?
So I let it go...
I will always love,
even when I don't always feel it.
Feeling are fickle,
as are emotions.
Love is constant.
Love is truth.
When you understand this,
Love,
the feeling,
will follow.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
White Noise
Third period. Five minutes and 13 seconds left of a tied game. Over time? Most likely.
Charlie knows his wife is there... he sees her in his periphery vision. She is speaking to him but he can't make out what she's saying. It's not registering. All he wants is that irritating, background drone to go away.
"Sure hon... after the game... I'll get to it." He doesn't know what he's going to 'get to' as long as it suppresses her chitchat, because while she's talking, he can't fully concentrate on the hockey game in front of him.
Like the hockey game... doesn't life get in the way of hearing God's voice? Knowing what He is trying to tell you to do? What your purpose is?
"God is working in you, to help you, want to do and be able to do what pleases him."
Philippians 2:13
white noise
–noun
1.
Also called white sound. a steady, unvarying, unobtrusive sound, as an electronically produced drone or the sound of rain, used to mask or obliterate unwanted sounds.
2.
Physics. random noise with a uniform frequency spectrum over a wide range of frequencies.
| Synonyms: | broadcasting noise, electrical noise, hiss, hissing, hum, moan, purl, siss, sissing, white sound |
Origin:
1965–70
So how do you know if it's God's voice or just white noise? Here's a few idea's I got off a Joyce Meyer podcasts:
1) Study God... the more you know about him the easier it becomes to hear from Him.
2)Don't rely on your feelings... feelings are fickle and can get you into trouble. Think things through before you act.
3)God stirs something in your soul... but be patient... wait for confirmation with 2 or 3 witnesses... whether those witnesses are books you read or a newspaper clipping that stands out or something someone says or does to confirm your stirring. Then step in the right direction. We always want Him to show us the right direction with a neon sign, but sometimes He wants us to have faith before He will show.
4) God speaks best when you are at peace. Don't force. When he speaks there is peace.
5)Seek to do good. Always.
6) If something stays with you, and stays with you, and stays with you... then do it, even if it doesn't make sense.
Ephesians 5:8-17:
8For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of Light [lead the lives of those native-born to the Light]. 9For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or [a]the Spirit [consists] in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life.
10And try to learn [in your experience] what is pleasing to the Lord [let your lives be constant proofs of what is most acceptable to Him].
11Take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness, but instead [let your lives be so in contrast as to] [b]expose and reprove and convict them.
12For it is a shame even to speak of or mention the things that [such people] practice in secret.
13But when anything is exposed and reproved by the light, it is made visible and clear; and where everything is visible and clear there is light.
14Therefore He says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine (make day dawn) upon you and give you light.(A)
15Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),
16Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.
17Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.
If you have any further thoughts or experiences you would like to share.... please comment below or email us at Deeds for Needs.
8For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of Light [lead the lives of those native-born to the Light]. 9For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or [a]the Spirit [consists] in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life.
10And try to learn [in your experience] what is pleasing to the Lord [let your lives be constant proofs of what is most acceptable to Him].
11Take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness, but instead [let your lives be so in contrast as to] [b]expose and reprove and convict them.
12For it is a shame even to speak of or mention the things that [such people] practice in secret.
13But when anything is exposed and reproved by the light, it is made visible and clear; and where everything is visible and clear there is light.
14Therefore He says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine (make day dawn) upon you and give you light.(A)
15Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),
16Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.
17Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.
If you have any further thoughts or experiences you would like to share.... please comment below or email us at Deeds for Needs.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Survival of the Fittest! Part 4
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." Dennis Wholey
Chapter 4
"Why are you going to Haiti?" Rick asked Spencer, who was deciding which shirts to put in his pack.
"Because." Spence just wanted Rick to leave him alone. After the divorce, three years ago, money was tight for Spence, so when Rick asked him to move in with him, he did. Now, he was ready to move and live on his own again. Living with a family member can do that to you, although he loved his brother, he just couldn't live with him anymore.
"After Haiti, I'll look into apartments." He thought as he packed some underwear into his bag.
"Are you going to marry Mags?" Rick teased as only an older brother can. Rick is a confirmed bachelor, has been all his life, never married, never wanted to, and perhaps never will. There were times in the past, when Spence wished he had Rick's life. To trade it all in even for a day. No obligations other then, work and a mortgage payment on a 10 acre property just outside of Calgary.
"She wouldn't marry me anyway," Spence replied, "even if I asked."
"So you do love her enough to marry?"
"I don't know." He rubbed at his forehead, his headache was coming back again. Time for some more Tylenol, he realized it had been 6 hours since he had his last pill. His headaches were getting worse and he's had more migraines as well in the last 3 years. His doctor told him it was all related to stress.
"Why won't she marry you?" Rick lounged on Spence's bed, and folded his arms beneath his head.
"I'm not Christian."
"If you love her enough... lie... tell her you are."
"You're sick.... I'm not going to lie."
"This guy at work, one of my mechanics, he told his wife he was a Muslim... even though he doesn't believe in God...they got married and have 3 kids." Rick said.
"Oh... they must have a secure and deep relationship?"
"Why would you want deep?"
"I'm not basing any relationships on the foundation of lies.... been there... done that!" and he grabbed his Teva sandals and threw them into his gear.
"Why would you want to get married anyway? When you can have your chicks for free?" Rick laughed. "I wouldn't want a woman living with me.... Nobody telling you what to do, nobody nagging you constantly, saying things like, 'turn the TV off'....'Clean up the shed!'....'Mow the lawn,' Rick whined in a high pitched voice.
"I'll mow the lawn when I want to mow the lawn!" he continued, " 'You've left the toilet seat up!'..... Oh sorry, I get that now living with my younger brother," he threw a pillow at Spence.
"You are so immature!" Spence threw the pillow onto the floor beside the bed.
"'Lighten' up Spence. You take life way too seriously." Rick got up from the bed and sauntered towards the door, "Life is what you make of it... You only live once... that's why I am in constant party mode," and with that he left.
Spencer felt empty. He felt there was more to life then one party after another. There had to be more to life than this.
"Nobody around who loves you no matter what.... nobody to love and give your heart to.... nobody to grow old with." loneliness blasted explosively into his soul, deeper than any miner could drill, as he made his way to the medicine cabinet to find repose.
"Have another butter tart Spencer." Aunt Bea handed Spence another sweet tart, then passed the plate to Rick, "You too Ricky."
Spence decided to surprise his Mom and Dad and take them out to dinner, before he left for a 2 week missions trip to Haiti with Maggie. Rick, mooch that he was, tagged along. The surprise was on him though, Aunt Bea and her friend Pauline were over baking for a bake sale at church this up coming weekend.
"I won't have enough room for the steak I plan to eat soon." Rick patted his beer belly and declined the tart. The boys were just finishing off their coffee and tarts, before they whisked their Dad away to The Keg and saved him from the ladies prattle.
"Like I was saying, Sue."Pauline turned to Spencer's mother, "after Dan passed away, my son and daughter bought tickets to Kauai..."
"What? To party?" The room fell silent and all eyes turned to Rick. Pauline's eyes glistened with tears and with the grace of a high class lady, she turned back to Sue and continued her story, ignoring the insensitivity of Rick's comment.
"You are such an ass!" Spence shook his head at Rick. The three guys were waiting for their steak dinners to arrive.
"What?" Rick questioned, "Some women are happy when their husbands pass away." Spence could see from Rick's reaction that he really didn't get what he said was wrong.
"Most husbands are happy when their wives die before them." Rick continued laughing.
"Pauline wasn't happy." His dad snapped. Spence saw disappointment in his father's eyes as he spoke to his eldest son. His father was a man of few words and when he spoke his boy's knew to listen, there were consequences when you didn't.
"Dan was an amazing Husband, father and friend.... He loved his wife as God intended... with respect and loving forgiveness... He would have died for her.... as she for him." then he took a deep breath and thought about what he needed to say next. That's what Spence wanted, he wanted that kind of relationship with someone. Deep within his soul he knew that was what a relationship with a woman was all about.
"Men and women get married for all the wrong reasons in this day and age." He thought to himself.
"Dan talked about taking Pauline to Kauai for decades... it was where they first met."
"Why didn't they go?"
"The money always went to something else."
"What a new car?" Rick interjected sarcastically. "If the will was there they would have gone."
"The will was there, my son... but they gave the money away lovingly to those who needed it more. They made sacrifices to help their family and friends."
"Well, that's the choice they made." Rick shrugged.
"You just don't get it?" His father's eyes shone with tears, "You don't even know how many people they have helped over the years? Hundreds...How many have you helped Rick?"
"I help hundreds! I fix their cars."
"Do you charge them?"
"What Money? Yes of course... I can't do it for free... that's stupid!"
"Yes, Rick... you need to make a living... I'm talking about doing something nice for people and not charging or expecting them to do something nice for you. I'm talking about getting to know someone and loving them enough so you don't make stupid comments like you did to Pauline this evening. What have you boy's done for someone else just because it was right and you knew there was nothing in it for you? No expectations." There was silence and Spence wished for the waiter to show up for dinner, anything to relieve the stress from this conversation.
"To do Evil for good is the enemy's way, to do good for good is man's way, to do good for evil is God's way." then he took a deep breath, "I know, your mother and I have made mistakes in the past. I'm sorry for that. Those mistakes cost us the wisdom and happiness of our son's lives. For that I am so sorry, forgive me." and with that he put his hands over his face and unashamedly wept.
"For crying out dad," Rick whispered, "stop that! We're in a restaurant." then he looked away from his father, pretending that nothing was wrong.
"It's alright dad." Spencer was sitting beside his father in the booth, he scowled at his brother sitting across from him as he put an arm around his dad.
"If I had known it was going to turn all emotional, I would have stayed home." Rick slumped down in his chair to avoid embarrassment.
"It's okay." Spence tried again, this time he kicked Rick under the table. Rick sat up and rolled his eyes as Spencer continued to console his dad. A glass smashed on the tile floor just behind them, and his father sat up straight, wiped the left over tears on a serviette and took a sip of his coffee.
"It's not okay, Spencer... but God will make it okay and I have faith that he will take my mistakes and make it okay." He looked past Rick, searching for something, "Now where the heck is my steak... I'm famished." In that instant Spence knew his dad just laid that conversation to rest. Perhaps. it will come up again in another time, when his dad would be ready to share, but most likely Spence knew it would be when Rick and him were ready to hear.
"When you talk, do not say harmful things. But say what people need-words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will help those who listen to you." Ephesians 4:29
It's all about helping one another. Being there when your brother or sister needs you. Follow what God puts in your heart.
Chapter 4
"Why are you going to Haiti?" Rick asked Spencer, who was deciding which shirts to put in his pack.
"Because." Spence just wanted Rick to leave him alone. After the divorce, three years ago, money was tight for Spence, so when Rick asked him to move in with him, he did. Now, he was ready to move and live on his own again. Living with a family member can do that to you, although he loved his brother, he just couldn't live with him anymore.
"After Haiti, I'll look into apartments." He thought as he packed some underwear into his bag.
"Are you going to marry Mags?" Rick teased as only an older brother can. Rick is a confirmed bachelor, has been all his life, never married, never wanted to, and perhaps never will. There were times in the past, when Spence wished he had Rick's life. To trade it all in even for a day. No obligations other then, work and a mortgage payment on a 10 acre property just outside of Calgary.
"She wouldn't marry me anyway," Spence replied, "even if I asked."
"So you do love her enough to marry?"
"I don't know." He rubbed at his forehead, his headache was coming back again. Time for some more Tylenol, he realized it had been 6 hours since he had his last pill. His headaches were getting worse and he's had more migraines as well in the last 3 years. His doctor told him it was all related to stress.
"Why won't she marry you?" Rick lounged on Spence's bed, and folded his arms beneath his head.
"I'm not Christian."
"If you love her enough... lie... tell her you are."
"You're sick.... I'm not going to lie."
"This guy at work, one of my mechanics, he told his wife he was a Muslim... even though he doesn't believe in God...they got married and have 3 kids." Rick said.
"Oh... they must have a secure and deep relationship?"
"Why would you want deep?"
"I'm not basing any relationships on the foundation of lies.... been there... done that!" and he grabbed his Teva sandals and threw them into his gear.
"Why would you want to get married anyway? When you can have your chicks for free?" Rick laughed. "I wouldn't want a woman living with me.... Nobody telling you what to do, nobody nagging you constantly, saying things like, 'turn the TV off'....'Clean up the shed!'....'Mow the lawn,' Rick whined in a high pitched voice.
"I'll mow the lawn when I want to mow the lawn!" he continued, " 'You've left the toilet seat up!'..... Oh sorry, I get that now living with my younger brother," he threw a pillow at Spence.
"You are so immature!" Spence threw the pillow onto the floor beside the bed.
"'Lighten' up Spence. You take life way too seriously." Rick got up from the bed and sauntered towards the door, "Life is what you make of it... You only live once... that's why I am in constant party mode," and with that he left.
Spencer felt empty. He felt there was more to life then one party after another. There had to be more to life than this.
"Nobody around who loves you no matter what.... nobody to love and give your heart to.... nobody to grow old with." loneliness blasted explosively into his soul, deeper than any miner could drill, as he made his way to the medicine cabinet to find repose.
"Have another butter tart Spencer." Aunt Bea handed Spence another sweet tart, then passed the plate to Rick, "You too Ricky."
Spence decided to surprise his Mom and Dad and take them out to dinner, before he left for a 2 week missions trip to Haiti with Maggie. Rick, mooch that he was, tagged along. The surprise was on him though, Aunt Bea and her friend Pauline were over baking for a bake sale at church this up coming weekend.
"I won't have enough room for the steak I plan to eat soon." Rick patted his beer belly and declined the tart. The boys were just finishing off their coffee and tarts, before they whisked their Dad away to The Keg and saved him from the ladies prattle.
"Like I was saying, Sue."Pauline turned to Spencer's mother, "after Dan passed away, my son and daughter bought tickets to Kauai..."
"What? To party?" The room fell silent and all eyes turned to Rick. Pauline's eyes glistened with tears and with the grace of a high class lady, she turned back to Sue and continued her story, ignoring the insensitivity of Rick's comment.
"You are such an ass!" Spence shook his head at Rick. The three guys were waiting for their steak dinners to arrive.
"What?" Rick questioned, "Some women are happy when their husbands pass away." Spence could see from Rick's reaction that he really didn't get what he said was wrong.
"Most husbands are happy when their wives die before them." Rick continued laughing.
"Pauline wasn't happy." His dad snapped. Spence saw disappointment in his father's eyes as he spoke to his eldest son. His father was a man of few words and when he spoke his boy's knew to listen, there were consequences when you didn't.
"Dan was an amazing Husband, father and friend.... He loved his wife as God intended... with respect and loving forgiveness... He would have died for her.... as she for him." then he took a deep breath and thought about what he needed to say next. That's what Spence wanted, he wanted that kind of relationship with someone. Deep within his soul he knew that was what a relationship with a woman was all about.
"Men and women get married for all the wrong reasons in this day and age." He thought to himself.
"Dan talked about taking Pauline to Kauai for decades... it was where they first met."
"Why didn't they go?"
"The money always went to something else."
"What a new car?" Rick interjected sarcastically. "If the will was there they would have gone."
"The will was there, my son... but they gave the money away lovingly to those who needed it more. They made sacrifices to help their family and friends."
"Well, that's the choice they made." Rick shrugged.
"You just don't get it?" His father's eyes shone with tears, "You don't even know how many people they have helped over the years? Hundreds...How many have you helped Rick?"
"I help hundreds! I fix their cars."
"Do you charge them?"
"What Money? Yes of course... I can't do it for free... that's stupid!"
"Yes, Rick... you need to make a living... I'm talking about doing something nice for people and not charging or expecting them to do something nice for you. I'm talking about getting to know someone and loving them enough so you don't make stupid comments like you did to Pauline this evening. What have you boy's done for someone else just because it was right and you knew there was nothing in it for you? No expectations." There was silence and Spence wished for the waiter to show up for dinner, anything to relieve the stress from this conversation.
"To do Evil for good is the enemy's way, to do good for good is man's way, to do good for evil is God's way." then he took a deep breath, "I know, your mother and I have made mistakes in the past. I'm sorry for that. Those mistakes cost us the wisdom and happiness of our son's lives. For that I am so sorry, forgive me." and with that he put his hands over his face and unashamedly wept.
"For crying out dad," Rick whispered, "stop that! We're in a restaurant." then he looked away from his father, pretending that nothing was wrong.
"It's alright dad." Spencer was sitting beside his father in the booth, he scowled at his brother sitting across from him as he put an arm around his dad.
"If I had known it was going to turn all emotional, I would have stayed home." Rick slumped down in his chair to avoid embarrassment.
"It's okay." Spence tried again, this time he kicked Rick under the table. Rick sat up and rolled his eyes as Spencer continued to console his dad. A glass smashed on the tile floor just behind them, and his father sat up straight, wiped the left over tears on a serviette and took a sip of his coffee.
"It's not okay, Spencer... but God will make it okay and I have faith that he will take my mistakes and make it okay." He looked past Rick, searching for something, "Now where the heck is my steak... I'm famished." In that instant Spence knew his dad just laid that conversation to rest. Perhaps. it will come up again in another time, when his dad would be ready to share, but most likely Spence knew it would be when Rick and him were ready to hear.
"When you talk, do not say harmful things. But say what people need-words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will help those who listen to you." Ephesians 4:29
It's all about helping one another. Being there when your brother or sister needs you. Follow what God puts in your heart.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Survival of the Fittest! Part 3
"What?" Maggie almost choked on a walnut.
"Are you a Virgin?" Spencer repeated, smiling deviously as he leaned back in his chair with both hands around his glass of wine. They were seated in a semi-private room that was a converted elevator shaft in Characters Fine Dining Restaurant. It was recommended by the bellhop at the hotel, Mags was staying in.
"He really is quite a character," she thought to herself, as the heat in her cheeks slowly subsided. "What is he up to?" she took a leisurely sip of her red wine, a glass of 2007 Shiraz ‘Footbolt’ – d’Arenberg. At $9 dollars a glass, she was taking her time enjoying the aromas and flavours of the plums, blackcurrants, cherries and raspberries of this fine Australian wine.
"Why this question Spence?"she set down her wine and relaxed her shoulders.
"You asked me to changed the subject." he stated innocently, "besides," he continued, "If we can't talk about religion... there's only Politics and Sex left to talk about. And..." He leaned forward and set his glass down and picked up his fork and knife, "You don't like politics. That leaves sex." he shoveled in a fork full of bacon wrapped beef tenderloin and ate.
"There are other topics you know." she twirled some more of her Spicy Lobster Spaghetti around her fork and took a bite.
"What other topics?"
"Well.... Motorcycles?" she smiled. That should catch him off guard. Anything, to get his mind off her sex life. She wasn't ready to share her past with him just yet. It was a dark memory for her. She need some preparation time in prayer before she opened up.
"Motorcycles?" his eyes bore into her, as if he could see into the depths of her being. For a moment, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.
"You know motorcycles?" he continued to gaze.
"Yes I do."
"You are changing the subject."
"I used to own a motorcycle."
"Really?" he said in sarcastic disbelief and took another bite of his medium-rare piece of meat.
"Yes I did, and if you don't believe me. I can send a picture when I get home." she huffed.
"Well, I guess we're talking about motorcycles then..."
E-mail from Spencer to Maggie,
Hey Mags,
Really enjoyed, spending time again with you.
I didn't forget.... You were supposed to send a picture of your bike. Until I see it with my own eyes I will not believe. That's just who I am.
Here's a little quote for you:
If a faithful account was rendered of man's idea's upon divinity, he would be obliged to acknowledge, that for the most part the word 'gods' has been used to express the concealed, remote, unknown causes of the effects he witnessed; that he applies this term when the spring of the natural, the source of known causes, ceases to be visible: as soon as he loses the thread of these causes, or as soon as his mind can no longer follow the chain, he solves the difficulty, terminates his research, by ascribing it to his gods.....
"Are you a Virgin?" Spencer repeated, smiling deviously as he leaned back in his chair with both hands around his glass of wine. They were seated in a semi-private room that was a converted elevator shaft in Characters Fine Dining Restaurant. It was recommended by the bellhop at the hotel, Mags was staying in.
"He really is quite a character," she thought to herself, as the heat in her cheeks slowly subsided. "What is he up to?" she took a leisurely sip of her red wine, a glass of 2007 Shiraz ‘Footbolt’ – d’Arenberg. At $9 dollars a glass, she was taking her time enjoying the aromas and flavours of the plums, blackcurrants, cherries and raspberries of this fine Australian wine.
"Why this question Spence?"she set down her wine and relaxed her shoulders.
"You asked me to changed the subject." he stated innocently, "besides," he continued, "If we can't talk about religion... there's only Politics and Sex left to talk about. And..." He leaned forward and set his glass down and picked up his fork and knife, "You don't like politics. That leaves sex." he shoveled in a fork full of bacon wrapped beef tenderloin and ate.
"There are other topics you know." she twirled some more of her Spicy Lobster Spaghetti around her fork and took a bite.
"What other topics?"
"Well.... Motorcycles?" she smiled. That should catch him off guard. Anything, to get his mind off her sex life. She wasn't ready to share her past with him just yet. It was a dark memory for her. She need some preparation time in prayer before she opened up.
"Motorcycles?" his eyes bore into her, as if he could see into the depths of her being. For a moment, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.
"You know motorcycles?" he continued to gaze.
"Yes I do."
"You are changing the subject."
"I used to own a motorcycle."
"Really?" he said in sarcastic disbelief and took another bite of his medium-rare piece of meat.
"Yes I did, and if you don't believe me. I can send a picture when I get home." she huffed.
"Well, I guess we're talking about motorcycles then..."
E-mail from Spencer to Maggie,
Hey Mags,
Really enjoyed, spending time again with you.
I didn't forget.... You were supposed to send a picture of your bike. Until I see it with my own eyes I will not believe. That's just who I am.
Here's a little quote for you:
If a faithful account was rendered of man's idea's upon divinity, he would be obliged to acknowledge, that for the most part the word 'gods' has been used to express the concealed, remote, unknown causes of the effects he witnessed; that he applies this term when the spring of the natural, the source of known causes, ceases to be visible: as soon as he loses the thread of these causes, or as soon as his mind can no longer follow the chain, he solves the difficulty, terminates his research, by ascribing it to his gods.....
When, therefore , he ascribes to his gods the production of some phenomenon.... does he, in fact, do anything more than substitute for the darkness of his own mind, a sound to which he has been accustomed to listen with reverential awe?
- Paul Heinrich Dietrich, Baron von Holbach
Mags... only science is rational; only science achieves truth. Everything else is mere belief and opinion.
I will believe God when I see God.
Enjoy your day.
Spence
Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association
Email from Maggie to Spencer:
Good Morning Spence,
Here is a little quote for you by Stephen C. Meyer PHD in Physics, Geology, History and Philosophy of science:
"To say that science is the only begetter of truth is self-contradicting, because that statement in itself cannot be tested by the scientific method. It's a self-defeating philosophical assumption....I certainly respect science, I don't believe scientific knowledge necessarily takes precedence over other things that we know. For instance, philosopher J.P Moreland has argued that there are some things we know more certainly through introspection than we know from the sciences. I know I have free will on the basis of my introspection, and no studies in the social sciences will convince me otherwise....In addition, history can tell us much, even though we can't test it by repeated experiment."
If you would like to read more... see chapter 4 of The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel
as for my bike.... Here's a picture:
Mags... only science is rational; only science achieves truth. Everything else is mere belief and opinion.
I will believe God when I see God.
Enjoy your day.
Spence
Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association
Email from Maggie to Spencer:
Good Morning Spence,
Here is a little quote for you by Stephen C. Meyer PHD in Physics, Geology, History and Philosophy of science:
"To say that science is the only begetter of truth is self-contradicting, because that statement in itself cannot be tested by the scientific method. It's a self-defeating philosophical assumption....I certainly respect science, I don't believe scientific knowledge necessarily takes precedence over other things that we know. For instance, philosopher J.P Moreland has argued that there are some things we know more certainly through introspection than we know from the sciences. I know I have free will on the basis of my introspection, and no studies in the social sciences will convince me otherwise....In addition, history can tell us much, even though we can't test it by repeated experiment."
If you would like to read more... see chapter 4 of The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel
as for my bike.... Here's a picture:
I had a great time too.... It's been really nice... connecting again as friends. I've realized, I've really missed you these past 20 years.
Take care Spence
Another quote:
"God's grace is the most unreasonable thing in the world. It's also the most powerful. Nothing is more effective for transforming lives, risky though it is."
Dwight Edwards from "Experiencing God"
PS: Would you be interested in going to Haiti in May?
Monday, April 12, 2010
Winning Your Husband to Christ
Here's an article that I would like to share with those living with a non believer. With Christ, there is always hope.
Many blessings to you!
Anuschka
Winning Your Husband to Christ
Many blessings to you!
Anuschka
Winning Your Husband to Christ
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Survival of the Fittest! Part 2
Chapter 2
Email to Maggie:
Dear Mags,
Let me know when you'll be landing in Edmonton and the flight number.... I'll try to get a few days off.
It was great seeing you again.
Spence
Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association
Maggie's eyes reminded Spence of Lake Louise, the turquoise blue shone brightly as he approached her just outside the domestic arrivals area in YEG.
" Hey!" He said and reached around her with a big bear hug and leaned down to kiss her cheek while placing the flowers he was holding into her hands.
"I think you're over dressed?" She was wearing a down filled polar arctic parka that went down to her knee's, and a fleece red and white Vancouver Olympic tuque.
"What? There's no 2 meters of snow?" she smiled at him. "I know... I know... I saw the daffodils as we landed."
" It has been seasonally warm for March."He laughed and grabbed her bag. It was good to see Mags again. He missed her these last couple of weeks. Although her naiveté irritated him, and he felt a great desire to show her the truth of life, it was that pure sweetness that he was drawn to and that inner beauty of hers he felt compelled to protect.
"You may think your male primal survival instincts are going to protect Mags from the evil of this world, but she's going to save you from yourself." Where did that thought come from? He shook his head and guided Mags to his car.
It was through his Mom and Facebook that he had found her again. After 20 years, he was curious to see what kind of woman she grew up to be. He had tickets to see a hockey event at the Olympics last month and had called her to meet for dinner. They met three more times after that, before he had to go back to his job in Calgary.
She had come into his life again at the perfect time. The divorce, brought him to the lowest place mentally and physically, that he's ever been in, and spending time with Mags last month was like a breath of fresh air, a glimpse of the sun shinning through the dark clouds hanging over his head.
"Thanks for driving me to the hotel." she sniffed the freesia's. "How did you know these were my favourite?"
"You had 2 vases full in the living room. I took a gamble"
"Thank-you." Her eyes were closed as he saw her draw in the sweet aroma that filled the car. A great peace filled his inner being as he drove her to the Fantasy Land Hotel in the West Edmonton Mall.
"It was my pleasure."He needed her in his life, of that much he was sure.
"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. If you do good, they accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. And your kindness will be forgotten tomorrow." Spence took a deep breath and continued, "That's why I give of myself and my goods to my nearest and dearest. Why should I waste my time and energy for people who aren't going to give a shit?" He was irritated. "Why bother? So you can get to heaven?" he snapped at Mags. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't hold onto all the emotion and the crap of the past decade anymore. He shouldn't be yelling at Maggie, he knew this, but all self control was lost in his agitation at life.
"A compassionate life is a more fulfilling life Spence." she sighed deeply, "it's only when you let go of your ego that the curtain rises on real life." He could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn't look just yet, he knew he would melt and he didn't want to give up his argument just yet. For some reason, in the past 2 days he's felt the need to pick theological fights with Mags. She has seemed to won them all.
"Well not this time." he thought.
"Spence... It's not just a moral duty to me... it's a prescription for authentic joy."
"And yet... here we are... living on a planet where millions are starving each day, while we... in North America obsess over our calories.... cheers!" and he took an enthusiastic sip of his Mocha Latte. "Compassion is a non-existent, fake facade people use to help them think this life is better than it is. It's powdered suger on a devil's food cake!" he put down his latte with vigor and crossed his arms, the same way he did 20 years ago as a boy, trying to make a point. He looked over at Mags with determination, he was ready to handle anything she was going to dish out. He was as strong as a fortress.
"I am the wall of china." he said to himself. He was not prepared to see Mags laughing at him. She wasn't smiling... She was convulsed in merriment. Out loud too and his wall began to crumble.
"You've got whip cream on your nose." she handed him a serviette. Then the laughter died down and she looked at him with such love that his heart began to melt.
"That I-me-mine selfish attitude ruins everything Spence. Compassion isn't just a nice fairy tale. It's real. I hope you see it one day."
"Well, you'll have to buy me the same magic glasses you're wearing... the ones with the special lenses that only see the good in people!" Could there be something to it? Could compassion be real?
"You're such a pessimist!"she reached over and wiped his cheek with a clean napkin. Apparently, there was whip cream there as well.
"You finished your coffee and arguing yet?," He nodded and she tugged at his coat."You promised to take me ice-skating in the mall.... Let's go."
"This is so cool!" Mags laughed. "I'm skating in a mall."
"WHooooooh!" She almost fell when a boy, not much taller then the height of Spence's thigh, swung past them racing after his friend. Spencer's Manly protective instincts took control and he grabbed her arm to prevent a fall.
"Thanks!" she said.
"No problem... It's because I'm a nice guy." he smiled.
"It's a good thing all thorns have roses."
"Are you calling me a thorn?"
"Yup!" she laughed and pushed forward ahead of him in mock fear of his retaliation. He took a moment to study her figure as she sped ahead of him, her long strawberry blonde hair floating off her back in the sudden back draft she created by speeding forward. He glided slowly behind her and admired her figure for a second longer before catching up to her.
"I'm sure I've got a few thorns myself." she laughed at him.
"None that I see." He wasn't looking forward to saying good-bye to her tomorrow. "This weekend went by way too quickly." he thought just as one of the two boys plowed in behind him backwards. In an instant Spencer found himself kneeling on the ice in front of Maggie.
"Not all thorns have roses." He quipped looking at the two boys who were on the other side of the rink already.
"They didn't even say sorry."Maggie leaned forward taking his arm to help him up.
"I say it again... not all thorns have roses." he straightened his sweater, "Like those salmon berries I fell into at Stanley Park." He recalled roller blading with her just last month along the shore line. The fall was his fault, he was going to fast trying to show off; he took air from a crack in the pavement, and he landed in a Salmon berry bush. He winced at the memory of crawling out of the prickly grasp of the brambles.
"You seem to fall a lot," she smiled, "Are you a klutz?"
"Spiritually or physically?" he asked, play acting a klutz and wobbled around her.
"Salmon berries have fruit!" she lifted her fork into the air with emphasis, just as the cherry tomato on the end of it flew across the table onto Spencer's plate, landing in his mashed potatoes.
"What are you talking about?" It was their last meal together. She was on a 10 am flight back to Vancouver in the morning and he didn't want her to leave. His life was meaningless without her.
"Salmon berries?" she tried again, "they don't just have thorns. They have fruit as well. You don't see it all year round. The fruit comes out in June."
"Okay... what's your metaphor?" He knew her well enough, by now, to know she couldn't leave a good analogy well enough alone. It was her turn to preach to him.
"You don't see peoples goodness all day, all year round, 24 hours 7 days a week." she beamed,"But every once in a while it comes out."
"Like Christmas?"he sighed sarcastically, "You are too optimistic."
"Yes I am.... and to take it a step further.... may I say that those who have a relationship with Jesus Christ ... that the berries or fruit come out more often. He brings out the best in people."
"Or the worst."He thought about his so called friends at church who ditched him after the divorce. These people thought it was his fault, that his relationship with Sue was over. They judge him and didn't bother to find the truth.
"Those people do not have a relationship with Christ. They follow a legalistic religion and because of it make a lot of grandiose statements and movements in Gods name.... when it has nothing to do with God... just their own beliefs and politics."He knew what she said was right, and yet he couldn't rid himself of his own idea's and judgements.
"I'm a good person... why isn't that good enough?" he sighed. "I respect my parents, I love my family, I treasure my friends even when they let me down. Logic wouldn't fault me for saving the best I have to give for my nearest and dearest and giving the rest of humanity the leftovers. Why do I need a relationship with a fictitious character who lives in a very old fairy tale."
"Why does it have to be the leftovers?" Maggie asked."Why can't it be equal portions to everyone?"
"That's impossible, even if you were a Saint."
"You are absolutely right and yet Jesus Christ did just that." she took a deep breath and continued,"No one is perfect... but we can try to be... the more we try... if our heart is in it.... the better we get at it.... and then we want to share that knowledge.... and that's what it means to be a follower of Christ. We are not perfect but we are trying to be the best human beings we can be, because Christ lives within us."
" It's all an illusion Mags. Compassion is in short supply... even among Christians who 'so called' have Christ living within them."
"Can we change the subject please? You are not getting it, because your heart is as hard as stone, and this conversation is giving me indigestion." Mags frustration rang out in her voice. He was regretful for putting her through this. He just couldn't help being so cynical. His self control was nowhere to be found.
"This is my last night here and I don't want to fight."Her blue eyes pleaded. Mags, was wrong, his heart wasn't all stone... it was a marsh mellow when it came to her.
"Okay.... So?....." he took a serious look at her and realized she was the most beautiful woman he has ever known, even when angered. After a long dramatic pause, he leaned forward in his chair, picked up his glass of red house wine and smiled slyly. It was a question he longed to ask her since the first day they met.
"So... are you a virgin?"
Email to Maggie:
Dear Mags,
Let me know when you'll be landing in Edmonton and the flight number.... I'll try to get a few days off.
It was great seeing you again.
Spence
Spencer Sorrentino Phd
Child & Adolescent Psychologist and Program Advisor
Canadian Mental Health Association
Maggie's eyes reminded Spence of Lake Louise, the turquoise blue shone brightly as he approached her just outside the domestic arrivals area in YEG.
" Hey!" He said and reached around her with a big bear hug and leaned down to kiss her cheek while placing the flowers he was holding into her hands.
"I think you're over dressed?" She was wearing a down filled polar arctic parka that went down to her knee's, and a fleece red and white Vancouver Olympic tuque.
"What? There's no 2 meters of snow?" she smiled at him. "I know... I know... I saw the daffodils as we landed."
" It has been seasonally warm for March."He laughed and grabbed her bag. It was good to see Mags again. He missed her these last couple of weeks. Although her naiveté irritated him, and he felt a great desire to show her the truth of life, it was that pure sweetness that he was drawn to and that inner beauty of hers he felt compelled to protect.
"You may think your male primal survival instincts are going to protect Mags from the evil of this world, but she's going to save you from yourself." Where did that thought come from? He shook his head and guided Mags to his car.
It was through his Mom and Facebook that he had found her again. After 20 years, he was curious to see what kind of woman she grew up to be. He had tickets to see a hockey event at the Olympics last month and had called her to meet for dinner. They met three more times after that, before he had to go back to his job in Calgary.
She had come into his life again at the perfect time. The divorce, brought him to the lowest place mentally and physically, that he's ever been in, and spending time with Mags last month was like a breath of fresh air, a glimpse of the sun shinning through the dark clouds hanging over his head.
"Thanks for driving me to the hotel." she sniffed the freesia's. "How did you know these were my favourite?"
"You had 2 vases full in the living room. I took a gamble"
"Thank-you." Her eyes were closed as he saw her draw in the sweet aroma that filled the car. A great peace filled his inner being as he drove her to the Fantasy Land Hotel in the West Edmonton Mall.
"It was my pleasure."He needed her in his life, of that much he was sure.
"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. If you do good, they accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. And your kindness will be forgotten tomorrow." Spence took a deep breath and continued, "That's why I give of myself and my goods to my nearest and dearest. Why should I waste my time and energy for people who aren't going to give a shit?" He was irritated. "Why bother? So you can get to heaven?" he snapped at Mags. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't hold onto all the emotion and the crap of the past decade anymore. He shouldn't be yelling at Maggie, he knew this, but all self control was lost in his agitation at life.
"A compassionate life is a more fulfilling life Spence." she sighed deeply, "it's only when you let go of your ego that the curtain rises on real life." He could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn't look just yet, he knew he would melt and he didn't want to give up his argument just yet. For some reason, in the past 2 days he's felt the need to pick theological fights with Mags. She has seemed to won them all.
"Well not this time." he thought.
"Spence... It's not just a moral duty to me... it's a prescription for authentic joy."
"And yet... here we are... living on a planet where millions are starving each day, while we... in North America obsess over our calories.... cheers!" and he took an enthusiastic sip of his Mocha Latte. "Compassion is a non-existent, fake facade people use to help them think this life is better than it is. It's powdered suger on a devil's food cake!" he put down his latte with vigor and crossed his arms, the same way he did 20 years ago as a boy, trying to make a point. He looked over at Mags with determination, he was ready to handle anything she was going to dish out. He was as strong as a fortress.
"I am the wall of china." he said to himself. He was not prepared to see Mags laughing at him. She wasn't smiling... She was convulsed in merriment. Out loud too and his wall began to crumble.
"You've got whip cream on your nose." she handed him a serviette. Then the laughter died down and she looked at him with such love that his heart began to melt.
"That I-me-mine selfish attitude ruins everything Spence. Compassion isn't just a nice fairy tale. It's real. I hope you see it one day."
"Well, you'll have to buy me the same magic glasses you're wearing... the ones with the special lenses that only see the good in people!" Could there be something to it? Could compassion be real?
"You're such a pessimist!"she reached over and wiped his cheek with a clean napkin. Apparently, there was whip cream there as well.
"You finished your coffee and arguing yet?," He nodded and she tugged at his coat."You promised to take me ice-skating in the mall.... Let's go."
"This is so cool!" Mags laughed. "I'm skating in a mall."
"WHooooooh!" She almost fell when a boy, not much taller then the height of Spence's thigh, swung past them racing after his friend. Spencer's Manly protective instincts took control and he grabbed her arm to prevent a fall.
"Thanks!" she said.
"No problem... It's because I'm a nice guy." he smiled.
"It's a good thing all thorns have roses."
"Are you calling me a thorn?"
"Yup!" she laughed and pushed forward ahead of him in mock fear of his retaliation. He took a moment to study her figure as she sped ahead of him, her long strawberry blonde hair floating off her back in the sudden back draft she created by speeding forward. He glided slowly behind her and admired her figure for a second longer before catching up to her.
"I'm sure I've got a few thorns myself." she laughed at him.
"None that I see." He wasn't looking forward to saying good-bye to her tomorrow. "This weekend went by way too quickly." he thought just as one of the two boys plowed in behind him backwards. In an instant Spencer found himself kneeling on the ice in front of Maggie.
"Not all thorns have roses." He quipped looking at the two boys who were on the other side of the rink already.
"They didn't even say sorry."Maggie leaned forward taking his arm to help him up.
"I say it again... not all thorns have roses." he straightened his sweater, "Like those salmon berries I fell into at Stanley Park." He recalled roller blading with her just last month along the shore line. The fall was his fault, he was going to fast trying to show off; he took air from a crack in the pavement, and he landed in a Salmon berry bush. He winced at the memory of crawling out of the prickly grasp of the brambles.
"You seem to fall a lot," she smiled, "Are you a klutz?"
"Spiritually or physically?" he asked, play acting a klutz and wobbled around her.
"Salmon berries have fruit!" she lifted her fork into the air with emphasis, just as the cherry tomato on the end of it flew across the table onto Spencer's plate, landing in his mashed potatoes.
"What are you talking about?" It was their last meal together. She was on a 10 am flight back to Vancouver in the morning and he didn't want her to leave. His life was meaningless without her.
"Salmon berries?" she tried again, "they don't just have thorns. They have fruit as well. You don't see it all year round. The fruit comes out in June."
"Okay... what's your metaphor?" He knew her well enough, by now, to know she couldn't leave a good analogy well enough alone. It was her turn to preach to him.
"You don't see peoples goodness all day, all year round, 24 hours 7 days a week." she beamed,"But every once in a while it comes out."
"Like Christmas?"he sighed sarcastically, "You are too optimistic."
"Yes I am.... and to take it a step further.... may I say that those who have a relationship with Jesus Christ ... that the berries or fruit come out more often. He brings out the best in people."
"Or the worst."He thought about his so called friends at church who ditched him after the divorce. These people thought it was his fault, that his relationship with Sue was over. They judge him and didn't bother to find the truth.
"Those people do not have a relationship with Christ. They follow a legalistic religion and because of it make a lot of grandiose statements and movements in Gods name.... when it has nothing to do with God... just their own beliefs and politics."He knew what she said was right, and yet he couldn't rid himself of his own idea's and judgements.
"I'm a good person... why isn't that good enough?" he sighed. "I respect my parents, I love my family, I treasure my friends even when they let me down. Logic wouldn't fault me for saving the best I have to give for my nearest and dearest and giving the rest of humanity the leftovers. Why do I need a relationship with a fictitious character who lives in a very old fairy tale."
"Why does it have to be the leftovers?" Maggie asked."Why can't it be equal portions to everyone?"
"That's impossible, even if you were a Saint."
"You are absolutely right and yet Jesus Christ did just that." she took a deep breath and continued,"No one is perfect... but we can try to be... the more we try... if our heart is in it.... the better we get at it.... and then we want to share that knowledge.... and that's what it means to be a follower of Christ. We are not perfect but we are trying to be the best human beings we can be, because Christ lives within us."
" It's all an illusion Mags. Compassion is in short supply... even among Christians who 'so called' have Christ living within them."
"Can we change the subject please? You are not getting it, because your heart is as hard as stone, and this conversation is giving me indigestion." Mags frustration rang out in her voice. He was regretful for putting her through this. He just couldn't help being so cynical. His self control was nowhere to be found.
"This is my last night here and I don't want to fight."Her blue eyes pleaded. Mags, was wrong, his heart wasn't all stone... it was a marsh mellow when it came to her.
"Okay.... So?....." he took a serious look at her and realized she was the most beautiful woman he has ever known, even when angered. After a long dramatic pause, he leaned forward in his chair, picked up his glass of red house wine and smiled slyly. It was a question he longed to ask her since the first day they met.
"So... are you a virgin?"
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