Stories to share with a good cup of coffee and great friends.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
de Nial (French for a river in Egypt)
- Can't we stop talking about it? Talking only makes it worse.
- If we don't talk about it, it will go away.
- Let's pretend that it didn't happen.
- If I tell her that it hurts me when she says that, I'm afraid she'll leave me.
- He really doesn't drink that much.
- It really doesn't hurt when she does that; I'm fine.
- He drinks more than I do! Besides he taught me how to drink.
- She's been married 3 times; I've only been married twice.
- I eat because you make me so mad!
- If you didn't nag me all the time, I wouldn't....
- Look Honey, I have a tough job; I work hard. I need a few drinks to relax. It doesn't mean I have a problem. It's the only way I can get to sleep.
- It's their fault, my parents didn't do their job well. They were screwed up.
Do any of these comments sound familar?
"If I just had one more trip to Punta Cana, I would be fine," LOL! That was what I told myself a few years ago, that was my hang-up, one of many.
"I just need to get away. Go on a trip. Then I'll be able to handle life again." Hiding in a closet would have done the same I supose. It's just running away afterall. For some it's just one more drink, one more smoke, one more bite of food, one more fast ride, one more bungy jump, one more word of praise, one more car, one more piece of jewlery. These 'one mores', have tripped me up. They took the place of me having to take a really good look at myself. The depths of one's soul is a scary place to be sometimes. You may lose control. Nobody wants to lose control of their emotions. Sometimes, they've been locked up tight for many years; and really, who wants to be around someone who is losing control? I know I would feel uncomfortable.
Effects of Denial:
Disables our feelings
Isolates us from God
Alienates us from our relationships
Lengthens the pain
Here are a few quotes from the Celebrate Recovery Guide by John Baker:
The 1st step to healing is to admit our denial.
"You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" Jeremiah 6:14
Denial freezes our emotions and binds us, but understanding and feeling our feelings is where we find freedom.
Remember it is always better to tell the ugly truth rather than a beautiful lie.
"Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves." Ephesians 4:25
Truth, like surgery, may hurt for a while, but it cures.
"Know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
I recently took a really good look at my hurts, habits and hang-ups. Here's my list:
- Bursts of anger (only once a month when my Auntie Flow comes to visit...I may need medication or I'll have to tell her not to come anymore. LOL!).
Okay, the serious list now:
- Self-doubt. Not good enough. I am easily replaced. No one listens to me. Nobody would care if I was gone. I hear the negative comments people have, before I hear the positive and I tend to hold on to the negative far too long.
- Compare myself to other's. She's a better houskeeper, He's a better parent. She's a better writer, He's a better Christian...etc...the list goes on.
- Anger at those who say one thing and do another. I hate people who are 2-faced. I have no patience with dishonesty.
- Seek approval. Am I doing this alright? Is this blog okay? Did I say too much? Did I leave too much out? Should I be so open with my "list"? Is it the way you wanted me to do it? Wherever you want to go, that's what I want to do. Instead of making a decision for myself, I seek other's approval above my own or God's.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past." Isaiah 43:18
" Let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those things that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up." Hebrews 12:1
Over the last few years I've learned that God has a unique plan for each and every one of us. A plan for good, not a life full of dependencies, addictions and obsessions. He doesn't want you to stay frozen in an unhealthy relationship or a bad habit. He wants you to do your part in becoming healthy. I am working on my "list". I know it's a process, it's not an overnight "fix".
If you are ready to work on your own "list", and are ready to admit to denial, and want to work on your hurts, habits or hang-ups, come this Friday night to Celebrate Recovery at
St. John's, 21299 River Rd, Maple Ridge, BC V2X 2B1.
1st lesson will be on Denial...and no it's not french for a river in Egypt.
PS: Celebration Station will begin this Friday night as well. It's a kids program that runs alogside the adults program and will equip kids from 5 to 13 years of age to overcome the patterns of hurts, hang-ups and habits.