Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Phobos

In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.
Ah, how hard a thing it is to tell what a wild, and rough, and stubborn wood this was, which in my thought renews the fear!
DANTE - The Divine Comedy


It's been a while since I last wrote...




I've been a little preoccupied with fear and got lost in doubt. Funny, it was just after May 21st 2011...around 6pm actually when things deteriated for me.
I was called an idiot because of my beliefs and had been given an ultimatum, "Don't push that Jesus crap on me, otherwise....." I'll let your imagination finish that sentence.
It hurt....it hurt a lot and I began to believe that I was an idiot. Feelings of inadequacy overcame me and fear kept creeping in; lost in a dark wood, far away from writing and blogging.

It hurts when someone has a strong reaction to your beliefs, but I did realized something this summer, it hurts even more to not do what you were meant to do.

Where God's love is there is no fear,
because God's perfect love drives out fear.
It is punishment that makes a person fear,
so love is not made perfect in the person who fears.
1John 4:18 NCV


I realized two things after reading this passage:
1) I wasn't allowing God's love in me, he didn't have my whole heart, so how could He drive out the fear? How could His love be made perfect in me?
2) I was afraid of losing the respect of friends and family (my punishment would be banishment from the relationships I have made over the years).

Ignoring my Goliath wasn't going to work, I could no longer run from it. So what did David do?

He picked up 5 stones and his sling and stood his ground.

*No, this does not mean I'm going to hit you with stones the next time I see you (to those of you who think I have a few screws loose), it just means that I need you to know that I love you, because God first loved us.
*No, I'm not going to thump a Bible over your heads either.... Jesus never did, he used scrolls :) Just kidding!
*Yes, I am here if you need to talk and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability.
*Yes, being and idiot is NOT a prerequisite to believing in God. God would prefer it if you weren't a nut case, but He'd love you anyways.













To those who have lost their dignity,
Lord, may I help you to restore it.
To those who are lonely and forgotten,
Lord, may I help you to be their friend.
To those who are hurt,
Lord, may I help you to heal them.
To those who let fear keep them captive,
Lord, may I help you to break their chains.
Amen


Ciao for now!

PS: Be on the look out for my Aunties Mary and Martha. They wanted to start up a column to help me out a bit. So if you have any questions for them about food or life email me at anoesdelacourt@yahoo.com and I will get the questions to them.

PPS: Breaking news! October 21st 2011 is now the last day on earth. Stay away from fire. LOL!


Jesus speaking about the end of times:
"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Matthew 24:36


I guess some people just don't know that yet.

1 comment:

Anuschka said...

I have received a few emails since posting this blog and I really appreciate everyones concern, however it was not my intention for others to feel sorry for me... nor was it my intention to put someone on the spot... so I won't be revealing "who"...it just doesn't matter... I'd like you to look inside your own heart... it could have been you... It was me 9 years ago. I have called someone an idiot because they believed in Christ and just wanted to share Him with me... She is now one of my closest friends and I Thank God she didn't give up on me.

Stand firm when facing your giants and just know that you are loved unconditionally.

Anuschka